In college I spent a couple of years peddling nutritional and workout supplements to earn money that would then get poured back into my local economy via the bars. Because I’m a patriot and I support small business owners.
Thanks to all that time cooped up in the store though I got to be pretty familiar with supplements. I also got to be familiar with how overpriced they were and how people constantly complained about certain products.
I figured most of it was due to the fact that people usually look to workout supplements to solve all their problems, which is partly true. What’s also true is that most don’t work a fraction of what they tell you they will.
Due to their not so cheap nature, most bros out there could use a guide to tell them just where to save their money, and where to spend it.
Here are the 5 workout supplements you’re wasting your money on.
Fat burners:
There is no warmer, steamier pile of Budweiser Clydesdale shit in the workout supplement industry than fat burners. Pills chocked full of stimulants mixed with some “herbal” ingredients. Next time I want some speed I’ll skip the fat burners and head to the shady part of Atlanta to find some meth. At least it’ll be cheaper and I won’t be wondering why my abs haven’t come in yet.
Fat burners are a complete waste of money. Those shredded people on the box got that way thanks to a tightly controlled diet and exercise program, not some pill full of shit Dr. Oz would even call questionable. Fat burners also range anywhere from $30-$80 depending on how hard in the paint you’re trying to go. Save your money and use it at the bars instead.
Testosterone boosters:
Dudes anywhere from the age of about 18-40 don’t need testosterone boosters. Want to increase your testosterone? Of course you do, because testosterone means more muscle and less fat, as well as a better sex drive. Don’t buy some stupid pill at the supplement store. Start working out, get plenty of sleep, eat your damn vegetables, and have sex. Testosterone = boosted.
These products are not only well shown to be a huge, hot steaming pile of dog shit- they also routinely cost over $80. Forget that. If I’m going to drop $80 that has a supposed side effect of giving me stronger boners I’ll just go buy black market Viagra.
Also, little known fact: the same ingredient used in most testosterone boosters is also the same herb that is given to women to help them lactate. Drop that knowledge bomb the next time you’re out drinking to impress everyone.
Glutamine:
As the building blocks of protein most amino acids definitely have a time and place. Glutamine by itself though is a complete rip off. Marketed to “help recovery” glutamine has become one of the best-selling workout supplements out there. Except almost nobody even needs it.
If you’re eating enough protein throughout the day, supplementing with glutamine isn’t necessary. Your body can also make glutamine all on its own. The only people who actually need glutamine for recovery are AIDS patients and severe burn victims. It’s safe to say they have far different needs than the average dude who just wants to look good naked.
All the crazy new forms of creatine:
Creatine Monohydrate is the most basic and cheapest form of creatine out there. It is also by far and away the best supplement on the market. It’s dirt cheap, easy to use, and proven to work. It’s also the most studied supplement ever. In history.
What isn’t though is all the crazy forms of creatine that get released every year. Shit like “buffered” creatine is nothing more than a marketing ploy to get someone to drop $60-$80 on a bottle of creatine that lasts a month when they could spend $40 on creatine monohydrate that will last a year. These new forms aren’t proven to do anything any differently except cost money you could put to good use elsewhere. Like the bar or wining and dining some damsel.
Cleanse/Detox products:
Whether you’re looking for something to pass a drug test or just help flush out all those “toxins” after a week straight of partying your balls off, cleanses and detoxes aren’t the answer. Unless the question is the quickest way to waste $50.
A detox is just herbs that help flush water weight along with some fiber. What really makes the magic happen in a detox though is that people on them are more likely to eat vegetables and drink water. You know, the things that are good for you. Next time save your $50. Why? Because you were born with two kick ass detox mechanisms that do a damn good job: the kidneys and liver.
Does the fact that these supplements are on the list make them completely worthless? Yeah, pretty much. But we love marketing and buying into hype. I can’t hate on that. If I wasn’t the same way I would’ve switched from #teamiphone a long time ago. Just remember bros, what good will your nonexistent abs be if you don’t have enough money left over to get some lucky lady into your lair?