As men, you generally feel one emotion when having sex: happy. Doesn’t matter if you had a horrible day at work, your team just lost a big game, or the zombie apocalypse is wreaking havoc; it’s sexy time now, and this is a good thing. But women are complicated balls of emotion, and that doesn’t change when you (finally) unhook their bras. Female-bible Cosmo put together a list of different sex positions for every emotion a girl might be feeling in the bedroom. As absolutely ridiculous as that sounds, it’s only going to help your sexual game to get familiar with this nonsense. So here’s a more digestible version of the cupcake-flavored bullshit women’s media is feeding your future one-night stand.
For when she’s feeling: Experimental
You know that fantasy you have of girls “experimenting” in college? Assume that same position. Scissor me timbers.
For when she’s feeling: Naughty
…and also lazy. Because calling this “Cowgirl” would imply she’s the one who has to do the riding. And we all know that’s not bucking happening.
The Soft Rock
For when she’s feeling: Romantic
Nothing says romance like a little music. First, you “rap” her in your arms, then you “rock” your hips until you’re about to “pop”… and then you “smooth jazz” all over her stomach.
The Time Bomb
For when she’s feeling: Horny
Aptly named. Because, horny or not, it’s only a matter of minutes before she realizes you’re watching porn on the computer screen behind her face and totally blows up.
For when she’s feeling: Athletic
What better way to satisfy your need to work out than to mount your man in a way that requires him to support your entire body weight and do all of the work! Feel the burn, ladies!
The Head Game
For when she’s feeling: Playful
Because this is exactly what comes to mind when your lady friend tells you she wants to play around with some “head game.”
The Dirty Dangle
For when she’s feeling: Tired
Please note: contrary to what this image suggests, “tired” is not synonymous with “roofied.”
I want more like this!
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