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Sex positions to satisfy her… emotionally

By / 05.21.12

Flickr/Katie Tegtmeyer

As men, you generally feel one emotion when having sex: happy. Doesn’t matter if you had a horrible day at work, your team just lost a big game, or the zombie apocalypse is wreaking havoc; it’s sexy time now, and this is a good thing. But women are complicated balls of emotion, and that doesn’t change when you (finally) unhook their bras. Female-bible Cosmo put together a list of different sex positions for every emotion a girl might be feeling in the bedroom. As absolutely ridiculous as that sounds, it’s only going to help your sexual game to get familiar with this nonsense. So here’s a more digestible version of the cupcake-flavored bullshit women’s media is feeding your future one-night stand.

The Pinwheel


For when she’s feeling: Experimental

You know that fantasy you have of girls “experimenting” in college? Assume that same position. Scissor me timbers.

Bucking Bronco


For when she’s feeling: Naughty

…and also lazy. Because calling this “Cowgirl” would imply she’s the one who has to do the riding. And we all know that’s not bucking happening.

The Soft Rock


For when she’s feeling: Romantic

Nothing says romance like a little music. First, you “rap” her in your arms, then you “rock” your hips until you’re about to “pop”… and then you “smooth jazz” all over her stomach.

The Time Bomb


For when she’s feeling: Horny

Aptly named. Because, horny or not, it’s only a matter of minutes before she realizes you’re watching porn on the computer screen behind her face and totally blows up.

Pleasure Pick-Me-Up


For when she’s feeling: Athletic

What better way to satisfy your need to work out than to mount your man in a way that requires him to support your entire body weight and do all of the work! Feel the burn, ladies!

The Head Game


For when she’s feeling: Playful

Because this is exactly what comes to mind when your lady friend tells you she wants to play around with some “head game.”

The Dirty Dangle


For when she’s feeling: Tired

Please note: contrary to what this image suggests, “tired” is not synonymous with “roofied.”

TAGSCosmoCosmopolitanLessons from women's magazinesSexsex positionssex positions for every moodWomenwomen's magazines
Katie Nolan
About Katie Nolan... Katie Nolan is a content producer for Guyism and the co-founder of Bitches Can’t Hang. Her other talents include: teaching the less fortunate to dougie, alienating people with her inappropriate sarcasm, and getting physically removed from New York sporting events for “inciting a riot.”

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