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‘Assassin’s Creed 3′ in the real world

By 08.28.12

This German equivalent of Mega 64 does a decent job of portraying the protagonist from Assassin’s Creed 3. Too bad he can’t hold a candle to any of those guys in SoCal.

On the plus side, he’s quite agile, far more so than Rocco and company. Not only can he actually climb walls, and his real deal arrows look genuinely dangerous. The problem is, the entire thing plays out like some bit you’d find on European television. Translation: it’s mostly cute and totally harmless. Which doesn’t translate to comedy, at least to this jaded American.

Everyone he sabotages takes it all in stride, and some even find such antics amusing. Sorry, but real comedy is seeing a somewhat chunk guy try to climb the wall of some Radio Shack in a mall, who fails horribly, and then has old people totally wig out as a result.

I know Germans have a somewhat sordid history (to put it mildly), and therefore try hard to play it totally cool no matter what (I have pals from Deutschland whose blood pressure NEVER rises, regardless of the circumstances; it’s both admirable and annoying). But German ladies out there: if some douche dressed as a game character grabs your boob out of the blue, it’s your right to beat the crap out of him.

About Matt Hawkins... Matt Hawkins is an NYC based video game journalist, designer, consultant, and cultralist. He's been published in EGM, Kotaku, and MSNBC amongst others. Matt also makes comics and zines, is obsessed with cable access, gets into arguments with homeless people all the time, and once had his nipple bitten off during a one night stand. But that's neither here nor there.
TAGSAssassin's Creed 3Assassin's Creed 3 in real lifeAssassin's Creed 3 IRLGamingGermanyVideo games

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