sex

This Poor Guy Experienced Every Man’s Worst Nightmare While Trying To Masturbate In His Bathroom

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I don't know about you people, but my worst masturbatory-related nightmare has to be the thought of somehow dying mid-jerk and having someone, ANYONE, find my mostly lifeless body one the floor (I say "mostly" because I imagine my dick would still be reaching for the stars) while porn continues to stream on my iPhone.

miley cyrus

Miley Cyrus Wants Everyone To See This Instagram Of Her Masturbating With Her Hand Down Her Pants For Some Reason

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Via Instagram It doesn’t happen often, but when I’m wrong I do my best to suck up my pride and admit that I’ve fucked up.

masturbating

Remember To Check Your Bluetooth So You’re Not This Guy Who Blasted Porn Over His Home Speakers At Christmas Dinner

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The only thing worse than hearing about politics and religion at a Christmas dinner is hearing the sounds of a woman getting stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.

masturbating

Pornhub Released Which Countries Finish Fastest And You’ll Never Guess Who Takes The Longest (Those Commie Bastards)

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Did you know that most people in the United States finish masturbating between 9 and 10:60 after they’ve started.

masturbating

This School Janitor Has Spent The Last 2 Weeks On A Roof Jerking Off While Staring Into People’s Windows

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Can you imagine waking up early every morning just so you can go masturbate on top of some roof somewhere.

dumb crime

The Most Awkward Story Of The Day Is About The Guy Who Got Caught Furiously Jerking It By A Burglar Robbing His House

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Why shell out for a household security system when you can just make burglars really uncomfortable by jerking off in front of them.

masturbating

This 14-Year-Old Is Intentionally Getting Hockey Penalties So He Can Masturbate In The Penalty Box

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While I’d love to sit here and regale you with stories about how I used to whack it everywhere when I was a 14-year-old boy, I not only lack the proper equipment but even if I did, for some reason I feel like I’d have the discretion to NOT masturbate during youth hockey games.


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