A Last-Minute Entry Wins Bro of the Week
by Waffles McButter | July 30, 2010 - 1:15pm | 5 comments - 27 readsTime to round up the best of the best from the last week; counting down to one victorious bastard who will receive no tangible prize for his accomplishments, but a virtual pat on the back. It's just as good. Anyway, I hope you all survive the weekend and if we missed anyone go ahead and toss them in the comments.
6. Bon Jovi
Being a rock star in the 1980s had to have felt like one big, drawn-out, drunken, 12-rope orgasm with some long-haired glamor rock splashed in. The things you could get away with then and the women you could bang -- unless you were Dee Snyder -- had to have been even more endless than it is today. But as you can see, shit always seems to surface. This Bon Jovi orgy took place years ago, but the previously lost photos came out this week thanks to their former tour manager, Rich Bozzet. I'm sure he didn't release them and write an entire book, "Sex, Drugs, and Bon Jovi" -- which exposes the band's lifestyle in the '80s -- because he is hurting for money. A fun fact, however, is that Jon Bon Jovi actually married his high-school sweetheart, so we'll just assume this orgy (and all the other sex and drugs) took place while they were on hiatus of some sort.
5. Terrell Owens
I cannot wait to see what Owens and Ochocinco have in store for us this season. The possibilities are endless if they can co-exist. But, whether or not this marriage of egos is a success or a failure, it's bound to be colossal either way.
4. U.S. Lacrosse Team
On Saturday, the U.S. lacrosse team beat Canada, 12-10, to bring the gold medal back to the States. And... I plagiarized that last sentence word for word from our own AckLaxBro.
3. Matt Garza
In a season that already had three perfect games (one left unrecognized), tossing anything but perfection seems like nothing special. Garza's no-no, however, was the fifth of the season, marking the first time since 1991 (right before the juice took over the game) that five no-hitters have been thrown in a season. Is the game finally 100% clean? I'm not sure, but with the number of home runs at its lowest point in 20 years, it's fucking boring, that's for sure.
2. William Breathes
This cat gets paid to be a pot critic. In the spirit of our nation's 42nd president, this William not only breathes, he inhales too. His daily routine involves going to different medical marijuana clinics, smoking their cannabis, and then writing about his experience. Where the hell did the rest of us go wrong? Will has to remain anonymous, but based on that flow and his occupation, I'd say he's Bro.
1. Aaron Burress
This entry just came in and immediately vaulted itself to the number-one spot. Ten years ago, Aaron was in a car accident that left him in a wheelchair and paralyzed from the waist down. After his brother asked him to be the best man at his wedding, Burress set a goal to stand at his brother's side, all by himself. Well, Burress not only managed to accomplish this feat, but he also danced with his wife for the first time ever. If anything ever deserved an un-sarcastic "Bravo," this is it. Check out the full story here and the original news report here.
Great List, Aaron Burress definitely deserved the number one spot !
great work with aaron burress at # 1. however;
bon jovi has absolutely got to be # 2. 4 women at the same time? of all the "is this bro?" bullshit, one thing is absolutely for certain: doing 4 chicks at the same, regardless of the decade, and having someone document it for you, is without out a doubt one of the most bro things one can do on this earth.
williams breathes should be number 1…. getting paid to blaze is about as bro as it gets
I’m saying no on T.O. after having to deal with him all last season.
i bet breathes banged that slam piece after the interview