Previously unknown minor league hockey club, the Bakersfield Condors, is riding quite the wave of publicity right now. First, this hilarious video went viral of their goalie facing off against the Ontario Reign's keeper at center ice, although said viralness was mainly due to the announcer dropping a very clutch "It's hysteria. Cats and dogs living together!" line, ala Dr. Peter Venkman.
Then, before Feb. 8's game against the Las Vegas Wranglers, the events of the above video took place. It's good. It's really good. A full breakdown:
0:00: We begin with a subpar National Anthem performance. Members of the crowd are politely sitting on their hands. They won't be in about 30 seconds.
0:05: The handler takes the bird out of its cage. The condor is HUGE, with a wingspan that has to be near nine, ten feet. (Worldwide average? 9-and-a-half feet. You learned something today.)
0:12: The condor is beginning to show signs of restlessness. (Your douchey drama school friend would call this "Chekhov's Gun")
0:34: And... He's off! The condor escapes his handler and scuttles out onto the ice. Meanwhile, the birdman seems relatively unconcerned with the fact that he just let an enormous bird of prey go. I would have dropped a Nicolas Cage-level of f-bombs by then. (Hey, you already know you're getting fired, why not?)
0:39: Would anyone else watch a Nat Geo special "Animals Walking on Ice?" Just me?
0:50: The anthem singer actually finishes the song! What dedication. What professionalism.
1:04: The announcers on the other hand? They're losing it. One even says, "I'm laughing but we shouldn't be laughing."
1:25: The condor has been loose for over a minute. He decides it's time to make a break for the benches.
1:35: THE CONDOR ATTACKS THE COACH. Announcer: "This is the greatest thing I've ever seen."
1:50: And... He's gone. The bird disappears into the tunnel behind the bench, gone from our lives forever. He'll live on, though, in our hearts.
Hockey condor for life.
[H/T: Reader tip]