Sports
by Thomas on February 7, 2013

What would you do? Who would you want to help defend the existence of humanity? Would you want athletes, scientists, supermodels, chefs, or just a group of BAMF's whose sole purpose is to kick ass?

Well, the good news is, I have done the research. I have read more than my share of zombie survival guides and I know who you will want by your side in the event of a zombie apocalypse. This is the Dream Team of Zombie Survival Team's made up of only athletes. This might not be the first but it should be the last.

Actually, if you want to see these athletes or anyone else, look like a real zombie, use this new Dead Yourself app made by “The Walking Dead.”

Leader

Besides yourself, who would be the leader of this pack? The leader is going to be someone that takes charge of the group. When a decision needs to be made, who is going to be the one to step up and make the right calls?

Ray Lewis. That's who. 

The man is practically a savior in Baltimore so having people stand behind him would not be a tough sell. Ray was born to be a leader as evident by the way he runs the Baltimore defense for the past 15 some odd years. He is the one defensive player in the NFL that has earned more respect than any others. If he can rule the NFL, why wouldn't he be able to rule the WORLD? 

Besides, we already know that he can allegedly handle a knife. Whoops. Too soon?

Right Hand Man

The right hand man is the go-to guy. He is the man that Ray Lewis will call on when he needs some assistance. He is the person that you want watching your back. This is the one person you can always count on to stand behind you 100% of the time.

Derek Jeter has played for the New York Yankees for his entire career. He will always be a Yankee and will retire a Yankee. There will never come a time when you talk about him playing for another team. He just won't do it. His loyalty has been proven over the course of his tenure in New York. He will not leave them and he will not leave you. He will watch your back like he watches the pitchers back in the World Series. Plus, he is quick and can throw a baseball. If you can teach him to throw a knife at a zombie's head, it is game over.

Brains

I feel I should explain that in every group of zombie apocalypse survivors, at least one of you has to have a higher IQ than a Playboy bunny.

Ryan Fitzpatrick owns the record for taking the NFL Wonderlic test, used to measure a quarterbacks overall competency, in nine minutes. And that doesn't even scratch the surface of how intelligent he is. He scored a 1580 on his SAT, out of a possible 1600, before being accepted into Harvard. Sure his degree is in Economics and that is probably the least useful degree to have in case of an apocalypse but that doesn't change the fact that he is smarter than most of you.

Let me ask you this, do you know how to make electricity? Or gas? Or an iPod? He might not know how, but over time, we would have a better chance of him figuring it out before we would.

Medic

Of course it is never a requirement to have a medic in your group but it would be much easier in case of a medical problem. I have no idea what medicine to take if I start to urinate in green or if I start losing my hair for no reason. It would be nice to have someone around that can help us get to the bottom of things faster.

Pau Gasol studied medicine at the University of Barcelona before leaving school to pursue a professional basketball career. He might not have a degree in medicine but he knows more than the next guy. Besides, he is tall enough to be useful in other ways like moments when you need to look down a road from behind a bus. He would be able to see further than anyone else. His height would be as useful to our group as his medical skills.

 

Aside from Pau Gasol, the other athlete I would want in our group would be Craig Breslow, the Boston Red Sox pitcher. 

He scored a 34 on his MCATs, dropped a 1420 on his SATs, and graduated from Yale in molecular biophysics and biochemistry. Uh, if you don't want this guy on your team than you are crazier than a box of straws.

Bruisers

Every group has to have a couple of these guys. The big, ripped, muscle bound freaks of nature to fight, guard, or anything else required to protect the group. In our case, we will have four of them.

Lebron James, Calvin Johnson, Adrian Peterson, and Zdeno Chara. 

All four of these men are easily useful to defend, support, protect, and kill in moment's notice. It is hard to understand how you would ever run into an issue with a zombie if you have these freakishly jacked athletes on your team. 

Lebron James is built like a NFL player but has the speed and overall skills of an NBA player with a huge vertical.

 

Calvin Johnson shares LBJ's physical features, minus a few inches, but also can plow through a group of zombies with great ease.

 

Adrian Peterson needs no introductions. He also doesn't need anyone explaining the reasons behind why they would want him on their Zombie Apocalypse team.

 

As for Zdeno Chara, well, let's just say he is one of the biggest athletes in the NHL I have ever seen. Actually, he is the tallest in NHL history at 6'9″ but the most impressive stat about him is his obsession with working out and staying fit. His cardio is about as great as Michael Phelps in his prime.

The Fix-it-all Guy

Without having someone around that knows how to do the simple things like fix a car or repair a chainsaw, we could run into some issues later down the line. We need to have someone around to teach us the simple things about life that we have all taken for granted.

Bryan Clay isn't known for fixing cars or repairing chainsaws but if there was ever an athlete known for being great at multiple sports, it's him. He is not only great at one Olympic sport, he is great in ten. He is a modern decathlete that would be useful in almost any scenario in case of an attack. He can run, jump, swim, and sprint. I am also pretty sure he can fit into tight spaces and help get us to the areas that we would otherwise be locked out of.

The Rest of the Group

Without women, this group would only last as long as Ray Lewis survives. There is just too much testosterone in this group to survive without females. And there are some very talented female athletes that would be useful for more than just their beautiful figure.

Alex Morgan, Michelle Jenneke, Maria Sharapova, Sophie Horn, Lolo Jones, and Victoria Pendleton would all be in this group. With these females you get a great mix of all features you want in an athlete but also the same talents that would carry over into the zombie apocalypse survival world.

Alex Morgan can run, kick, slide, and tackle the zombies.

 

Michelle Jenneke would be able to outrun them all.

 

Maria Sharapova and Sophie Horn are both trained to swing a stick so teaching them to trade in the sports equipment for a blade wouldn't be tough at all.

 

Lolo Jones has proven she can adapt to any situation and has gone from Olympic hurdler to future Olympic bobsled medalist.

 

Finally, you have a world champion cyclist in Victoria Pendleton. One of the safest ways to travel will be on a bike, it is quiet and doesn't require gasoline. Besides, she is so fast, we could send her on different scouting trips to check out the land ahead.

Be sure to catch the midseason premiere of AMC’s The Walking Dead on Feb 10th at 9/8 CST, with new episodes Sundays 9/8 CST.