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The Dude Who Caught A-Rod’s 3,000th Hit Is Wining And Dining Lisa Ann Now And I Have To Tip My Cap To Him

By 06.29.15


This fuckin’ guy. Gotta hand it to Zack Hample, he’s making all the right strategic moves. Thinking left when we’re all thinking right. While we’re shouting from our high horses for him to give the ball back for a lifetime supply of corndogs or some shit, he’s telling us all to suck his balls and planning a casual lunch with the most famous porn star of all-time. He’s not stupid. You don’t catch 8,000 major league balls without being a complete fucking sociopath intelligent. He knows that with the loss of that ball means the loss of his power, and if you give a man like that even a sniff of authority, you best be ready for him to flex. He just called me up and fired me from BroBible and I’m legit about to clean out my desk. Don’t even risk asking questions. Called him ‘sir’ twice. This dude is at the top of the food chain right now and anything and everything in his way is just prey. The most electrifying porn star of our generation is no different. Probably excused himself from the table so he could go to the bathroom to return Beyonce’s text. Power moves only for Zack Hample, the 37-year-old foul ball collector. What an inspiration.

P.S–If you think Hample’s paying for that lunch, you’re delusional. He’s definitely making her wine and dine him before he puts out.  

Here’s a look at the only one of Hample’s balls that wasn’t in Lisa Ann’s mouth. 

Perfect pair. So happy for you two.

[h/t Barstool]

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Matt Keohan
About Matt Keohan... Matt is that guy at the gym that wears a winter hat and a tank top. He grunts after every rep and is tan is December. He corrects your girlfriend’s squat form even though he doesn’t lift legs and has a really nice car he parks in the handicapped spot out front. Matt is your worst nightmare.

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