Unfortunately the answer to “Have you ever gotten into a fight for a ball?” is now yes. I was flat-out assaulted. pic.twitter.com/MADnmIiTBy
— Zack Hample (@zack_hample) July 22, 2015
“”Animals. Savages. Cold-blooded killers. All terms that come to mind when I think of the scum who brutally attacked the undisputed foul ball champ Zack Hample at Yankee Stadium last night. Hample hasn’t responded to my interview request, but I’m not sure cell phone use is allowed in the Intensive Care wing of the hospital. No word on whether or not doctors will have to amputate his neck or not, but I recently spoke to Dr. Rodriguez and he’s worried that the infection will cause Hample to catch an pneumonia, of which he’ll refuse to give back. That’s worst case scenario, though. Questions have been buzzing around the baseball world like “Will Hample ever be the same?” and “How mobile will Hample be in his wheelchair?” and “Wait, is he that grown man who steals foul balls from young children?” A lot of questions, not a lot of answers.
I’m scraped up in various places. The @Yankees Stadium medical staff says these are fingernail scratches: pic.twitter.com/EqO773iZj1
— Zack Hample (@zack_hample) July 22, 2015
Hample’s brave recollection of the events through his translator since the injury has caused his jaw to be wired shut:
(1 of 5) As for the BP incident, Miguel Gonzalez recognized me and threw ME a ball. Some huge 20-ish-year-old guy with a glove took issue…
— Zack Hample (@zack_hample) July 23, 2015
“”
(2 of 5) He shoved me from behind and swatted the ball out my glove twice. On the third throw, which I caught, the guy grabbed/tackled me…
— Zack Hample (@zack_hample) July 23, 2015
(3 of 5) He punched me in the face and clawed my neck and slammed me against the sharp edge of the concrete wall in the front row…
— Zack Hample (@zack_hample) July 23, 2015
“”
(4 of 5) His father confronted me later and actually defended him, saying, “He’s just trying to get a ball like anybody else.” Wow. Okay…
— Zack Hample (@zack_hample) July 23, 2015
(5 of 5) Police got witnesses. Medical staff attended to me. Security said the guy & his father will never be allowed in the RF seats again.
— Zack Hample (@zack_hample) July 23, 2015
“”Injuries of this severity also cause the victim to recall false memories:
(1 of 2) I said earlier that I was “punched.” The official report says otherwise. All I can say is that it sure felt like I was punched…
— Zack Hample (@zack_hample) July 23, 2015
Here’s Hample lobbying for some sympathy vagina. Guy is 10 steps ahead of all of us at all times.
(2 of 2) My jaw hurt so much that it was tough to eat dinner. Also, my nose is bruised/painful, so I *was* definitely hit in the face.
— Zack Hample (@zack_hample) July 23, 2015
“”
Real talk, though: Is anyone doing anything more impressive than what Zack Hample has been able to throughout his entire career?? Seriously. So what if NASA got a shitty picture of Pluto, Hample has collected over 8,000 baseballs from something completely reliant on chance. Add a few more baseballs to that collection and we have to start questioning whether or not he’s the Chosen One.
P.S. Rebecca Martinson has gingivitis. She told me in confidence. Lol.
[h/t Barstool]