The NFL playoff picture will come more in-focus and many fantasy football titles will be clinched by day’s end. That’s the good news. The bad news is that many of us are bereft of our beloved Red Zone channel because our parents wouldn’t know quality programming if it bit them on the ass. There is nothing more emasculating than being at the mercy of the Fox and CBS overlords and their one-game-a-time awfulness. Let’s drink, dammit.
One drink for each:
- First down
- Punt
- Replay
- Commercial break
- Promotion for other television show on network
- Personal-foul penalty
- Mention of the New York Jets incredibly stupid quarterback situation
- Time Bill Belichick looks pissed off
- Andrew Luck or Robert Griffin III completion
- Gratuitous Tim Tebow shot
- Delay of game penalty
- Time you hear the network’s theme music
Two drinks for each:
- Turnover
- Drew Brees incompletion
- Chris Johnson run for a first down
- Bad call
- Time Kansas City does ANYTHING good
- Cam Newton run over 10 yards
- Overhead shot of the stadium
- Discussion of the New Orleans Saints bounty problems
- Time the playoff picture is discussed
Three drinks for each:
- Challenge
- Touchdown
- Field goal
- Tackle for a loss
- Missed field goal
- Play over 20 yards
- Anyone on your Facebook feed details the game’s fantasy football implications
- Idiotic comment by the color commentator
Finish your drink if:
- Any running back or receiver goes of 100 yards
- Someone scores a special-teams touchdown
- Either quarterback throws for over 200 yards
- Any team opens up a 14-point lead
- Adrian Peterson goes over 2,000 yards
- The favored team fails to cover
