Sports
by Lance Pauker on December 7, 2012

Depsite the Wizards recent championship victory against the Heat, this fan has had it up to HERE with his 2-13 band of ballers. He's offering up his tix for Saturdays game for the steep price of actually attending the game. He also seems to have attended a reasonably priced graduate school. 

I'm sick…

I'm sick of the losing. I'm sick of watching bad basketball. I'm sick of the attitude of the management. I'm sick of the Washington Wizards.

Because I'm not the only one who thinks that watching a game is worse for your eyes than staring into an eclipse, it is almost impossible to give away Wizards tickets. The nazis from Indiana Jones would rather look into the Ark of the Covenant again than watch this basketball team. On StubHub tickets are on sale for under $1 and people still aren't willing to pay. You cannot GIVE AWAY tickets for FREE because nobody wants them. It is more of a punishment than a gift. It is like giving somebody the flu as a gift. Hey grandma, here are 2 tickets to Shingles, want to go?

 

My Wizards tickets are making my house feel like the one in Paranormal Activity. So how do I get rid of these pesky Wizareds tickets that make my bones shiver every time I walk past them? I must get rid of them before it is too late…These Wizards tickets are…PURE EVIL!

In order to determine a proper strategy in giving away my tickets, I decided to use a few economic skills I learned while spending a billion dollars on graduate school. Costs incurred when going to a Wizards game include stress from commuting to DC, transportation costs, food & drink costs, ticket cost, opportunity cost of your valuable time, and the irreparable brain depreciation you get by watching Jan Vesely airball foul shots. Those costs are offset by the entertainment value gained from attending a game, more specifically the humor you experience by watching other Wizards fans yell funny negative things from the crowd after Jan Vesely airball foul shots.

After all that, I have determined that the actual economic cost of a Washington Wizards ticket is NEGATIVE $10.

So, I will PAY YOU TEN BUCKS IF YOU TAKE MY 2 TICKETS to Saturday (12/8) game against the Golden State Warriors. Will that market value get any takers? Did I overvalue the tickets. Should it be -$20? We'll find out!

There are a few simple catches

1. You must go to the game. In order to prove this, you must take a picture (with you in the photo) that shows the scoreboard at a) some point in the 1st quarter and b) with the final score and 0:00.
2. You must wear Wizards gear. A shirt or a hat. Something that sort of proves you aren't a Warriors fan getting an amazing deal.
3. You must write about your experience. A paragraph or two about if watching the game was worth the negative ten bucks.

Reply to this post with something that will convince me you will actually go to the game and I will pick one reply and email 2 tickets to the game Saturday. After the game, send in the 2 pictures the DC Sports Nexus website will PayPal you $10. Bam!

 

In the words of my friend who also might be the most upbeat Wizards fan on the planet, “Wizards RULE, dawg.”

[H/T: B/R]