Top 10 Worthless and Dangerous Exercises

Ouch.

Some exercises are simply past their prime. We both know you want that pre-workout with nine scoops of C4, mixed with Jack3d, mercury, and baby tears to be as effective as possible, so here are some exercises to avoid.

Traditional Sit-up and Crunch

Gym class is over and your overweight middle school P.E. coach got his degree from ITT Tech. Just because he told you that the sit-up was “good fur ya, boy!” doesn't mean he knows dick.

A study at San Diego State University compared the effectiveness of the traditional crunch to other exercises. The traditional crunch did not even make it in the top ten. As far as the sit-up is concerned, it places pressure on your spine at its weakest point, while it's bending. Does not sound like a good thing…

Do Instead: Bicycle crunches or captain's chair leg lifts.

Machine chest press

The issue with this lift, and machines in general, is they take away the need to balance the weight. Because of this, your lift becomes significantly less effective

Also, people come in different shapes and sizes. While you can adjust the height this machine, there is no adjustment for arm length, shoulder width, or chest size. You may be putting unnecessary strain on your joints and the lifts below will give you much better results.

Do Instead: Pushups, straight bar bench, or dumbbell bench.

Upright rows

See, she's in pain.

This exercise moves your shoulder into the internal rotation position before applying heavy pressure, which will destroy your nerves and tendons.

For example: Hold your arms straight out to the sides with your palms down. Now rotate your hands forward as if you were pouring out a glass of water in each. Does that feel like something you should add 80lbs of pressure to??? Fuck no. Don't do it.

Do Instead: Lateral raises and shoulder press

Behind the neck pull-downs

I think I saw Rocky do this right before he punched some meat and yelled at his wife. I see bro's doing this all the time and want to warn them, but I refuse to be that sack of douche that goes up and gives unsolicited advice. I usually take the high road and grimace at them disapprovingly, but I probably come across as looking constipated.

Anyway… Same problem as before, but you are externally rotating your shoulders and applying pressure. If you'd like to throw the baseball with your grandkid one day and yell at the neighbors to “Get Off Your Lawn,” stop that shit.

Do Instead: Regular Lat Pulldowns

Shake weight

I hear frats make pledges watch that video and if you chub, you're cut. Don't forget your cab fair.

Do instead: Lesbian porn to offset what you just witnessed.

Oblique crunches

I assume you're going for the V-Taper that drives the bitches crazy. The problem with this exercise is that you are building you oblique’s OUTWARD, which will give you a less aesthetic looking body. The same goes with the majority of oblique exercises, any muscle you work will make it bigger. It's as simple as that.

I will throw in a side note that if you play a sport or squat heavily, do not completely disregard this exercise. This exercise will make your body look a bit “boxy,” but is also gives you a natural weight belt that can be good for periods of high muscluar stress. It all depends on what you want.

Do Instead: Side Planks for a more narrow waist.

Leg extension

There are a couple of issues with this exercise. First, you are only working out your quads. Unless have no intention of using your legs for any kind of “movement,” neglecting your hammy's is a bad idea. Also, building up your quads too much and not focusing on your hamstrings can give you an injury called: High hamstring tendinopathy.

Second, this exercise is basically putting more pressure on your knees than you possibly want. The gains you may get from the isolation of the quad is not even close to the value of your knees.. I am sure anyone who has ever had a serious knee injury would agree.

Do Instead: Squat or Leg Press

Smith Machine

This machine is for girls or people who would like to never have any balance. Yeah yeah, it's safe and all, but did George W take it safe when he snorted that blow? No!

Get your ass out of that goofy machine and build some overall strength. There's a reason your bench max bumps by 75lbs every time you're in there.

Do Instead: The real exercise…

Ab Machines

Studys have shown the majority of ab machines to be so ineffective, it would make you sad. Sader than Kate Upton pretending to “check her schedule” so she could meet a high schooler for prom. Now we know the truth; she was busy rubbing those melons all over Diddy's Circock… Yeah I said it, it saddens it just as much as you- but that's life. If that's not motivation to be rich and famous, then what is?

Do Instead: Bicycle crunches and captain's chair leg lifts

Laughing exercises