John Belushi once said that “Cocaine is God’s way of saying you have too much money,” John had too much money. I’ve never considered myself a Nick Wallenda “let’s walks across the Grand Canyon” types - maybe I’m lazy or maybe I’d rather just like to experience a high via a J, so yeah, I guess I’m lazy. The following activities may be cocaine for Mormons or for people who are just bored and are trying to figure out a good way to burn money.
Swimming with Sharks....on Purpose.
Now. Don’t get me wrong, I live every week like it Shark Week, in that I sieze the momenet, but that does not mean I’m about to jump in a cage protected by some steel rods with the most unchanged predator of all time. You have no chance in a shark attack, why dangle meat in front of him like that? It’s as unfair as putting Amanda Bynes up against James Carville regarding questions of economic policy - JC would dominate without AB even getting a breath in, much like anyone in a shark attack sesh. I’d much rather just kick it on the beaches in Cape Town. Not that I’m lazy, I just try to avoid life/death situations.
Zombie/Tough Mudder/Spartan Death Race/etc.
Now bro, I get it - you can totes crush it at any of these races. But running with zombies and ice baths followed by running through electric wires are something I’m trying to avoid in my life, not pay money to part-take in.
You know what is set up at these races before you even start?bA paramedic tent. Know why? Because when you have people walking across fire on purpose there is a high chance of injury. Riddle me this, if you got on a plane and the evacuation slides were pulled out, just in case would you board that aircraft? No.
Jumping out of a Plane.
Any time you hear of people jumping out of planes on the news it is always a tragic event. Free-falling from a plane is another one of those things I’m really hoping to avoid in my life. I hear of this adrenaline high that people get and they claim there is nothing like it, but I’m just curious to know if they have stayed safely on the ground and opened their mind to recreational drugs, rather than their parachute. Because guess what, if that parachute doesn’t open, you have no chance. If you are safely on the ground and something goes astray, hopefully you can seek the medical help in time.
There is only one bridge in the US that allows you to do this. It is in Idaho. Number one, I would not go out of my way to go to Idaho. Secondly, paying to free fall from an elevated point, again - just something I’m trying to avoid in life. Anything that requires extensive training in order to “not die” before doing isn’t something I’m getting involved with.
Skiing Down Anything Called a Black Diamond.
Sonny Bono. Nuff said. I’ll go on ski trips in the sense I’ll be the one holding down the ski lodge.
Now that I read this I realize that maybe I’m just a huge wuss, or maybe I just prefer the adrenaline rush via white lines, safely on the ground. Either way, I’m going to try avoid jumping out of planes.
Skydiving Bro via Shutterstock