Sports
by Heath Bernstein on October 9, 2013

NBA Champion: #9) Marcin Gortat: “The Polish Hammer”

MLB Champion: #2) Ryan Braun*: “The Hebrew Hammer.” R.I.P. Hammer Brothers.  May you forever touch skinless tips in the Dick Nick Afterlife.

And now, what we’ve all been waiting for—

The 2013 Dick Nick Championship:

#10) Doug Martin: “The Muscle Hamster” vs. #12) Douglas Murray: “Crankshaft”

En route to the Finals, Crankshaft (#12) upset The Mule (#5), Guzzler (#4), Baby Dominator (#9), Optimus Reim (#10), and The Hebrew Hammer (#2) without batting an eye.  The Muscle Hamster faced a similarly perilous path in the form of The Milkman (#7), Megatron (#2), #6 Beast Mode (#6), Pocket Hercules (#8), and The Polish Hammer (#9).  These two warriors enter the Final a combined 10-0 against higher-ranked opponents.  Sadly for one, somebody’s “O” has to go.  

Can The Muscle Hamster burrow his way to a sixth straight upset, along with the 2013 Dick Nick Championship, or will Crankshaft continue grinding away without the slightest sign of remorse?  Without further adieu…

About Heath Bernstein...

Post a Comment

Your email is kept private. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>