Normally, I look forward to Masters weekend more than Christmas, my birthday, or any other national holiday. Well, this year I'm torn. Easter is throwing a Goddamn wrench in my festivities. I can't just watch the tournament in f*cking peace, I have to interact with other human beings. So more than usual, drinking is going to be an absolute must. Last year, we created our very first Masters drinking game, and this year I've take those rules and modified them as I saw fit. Go here for all Masters updates and TV schedule.
"Hello, friends." DRINK!
Did a fan just yell "get in the hole!", "you da man!" or "mashed potatoes!"? If yes, then DRINK
Did Jim Nantz just refer to the Masters as "A Tradition Unlike Any Other"? If so...DRINK
Did Nick Faldo just decided to start living in the past and talk about his playing days and/or Masters' victories? DRINK
Oh look, it's Snoopy One. DRINK
Is the camera man zoning in on a golf WAG or just a hot spectator with huge tits? Either way... DRINK
An Eagle was made. DRINK
Have we just been reminded that Rory McIlroy cut a huge turd in his pants on the back nine on Sunday last year? DRINK
Did a commercial for the Buick Lacrosse just come on? DRINK mother f*cker, we don't take commercial breaks.
Anytime someone mentions how this might be Lee Westwood or Luke Donald's year, DRINK
Someone gets a hole-in-one. DRINK... and by drink we mean shotgun at least two beers.
Just reminded that it's the 20th anniversary of Feddy Couples Masters' victory? DRINK
Or how about that Larry Mize won the Masters 25 years ago wearing a filthy purple shirt? DRINK
Well if it isn't a clip of Phil's amazing shot from the pine-straw... DRINK
TAKE A SHOT of the hairiest sh*t you own every time there is a severe meltdown or disgusting shank. Take two if it happens on Amen Corner.
Every time Tiger looks confused, drops a club immediately after contact, or flips his putter while backpeddling because that 60 foot putt was supposed to go in... DRINK
Anytime Tiger stops his swing in mid-downswing because a photographer took a photo -- to the amazement of everyone who has seen him do it 1,000 times before. DRINK
Speaking of Tiger, is he out of contention, yet they still continue to show his every shot? DRINK
Did an announcer just refer to a hole as “dog-leg right" or a "dog-leg left"? DRINK... but only if your pen*s hangs the way that was mentioned. If you don't have a dog-leg, drink for that fact alone and then make anyone with a p*nis in the room a roast beef sandwich.
And finally, anytime someone drops one of the famed Masters words: Magnolia Lane, Butler Cabin, Rae's Creek, Hogan's Bridge, Amen Corner, Eisenhower Tree... DRINK