Sports
by BroBible Staff on September 26, 2013

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The other day we had a revelation while crushing Nattys and slinging lacrosse balls around the office: We’ve never published a list of the biggest Bros in sports. We’ve never compiled a list of the athletes in the public spotlight who seem to live life to the fullest, love to party, and are generally obsessed with being as freaking sweet as humanly possible. Thus, we put our heads together to rank the biggest, hardest-partying Bros in sports. These are dudes who make other dudes jealous: Not just for what they can accomplish on the field, but how awesome their lives are out-of-uniform as well. They are animals in all the right ways:

Brian Cushing

He’s an utter lunatic, prone to headbutting guards sans helmet. He isn’t afraid to break out a celebration dance after the most minor of tackles. And no other football player has sounded more stereotypically bro-ish than when Cushing once, on-camera, questioned Arian Foster about his “haikus.” 

Bryce Harper

Just because you don’t drink doesn’t mean you’re not a Bro. Why does he deserve to be here? That’s a clown question, bro.

Tiger Woods

The shameless sexual exploits are there, obviously, but Tiger makes the list because no athlete, in history, has ever acted more bro-ish with a reporter. It happened in the late-90s. Tiger wasn’t yet perfectly media-trained. And with GQ’s Charles Pierce, he was unafraid to talk about video games, girls, and the finer points of dirty joke telling. It was Peak Tiger Bro-ness.

Derek Jeter

Lara Dutta, Rachel Uchitel, Joy Enriquez, Mariah Carey, Vida Guerra, Vanessa Minnillo, Jordana Brewster, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel,  Adriana Lima, Minka Kelly, Hannah Davis…need I find other reasons why he is Bro? No, I needn’t.

Vince McMahon

Have you seen him walk? I mean, HAVE YOU SEEN HIM WALK? That right there is an I-have-massive-balls swagger if I’ve ever seen one (and rumor has it I HAVE seen one). Other WWE Bros may be able to kick his ass, but he owns the fucking company and nothing is more Bro than being the boss.

Scott Van Pelt

Yeah, whatever, he’s not an athlete, but name a bigger Bro in sportscasting? You can’t! You just can’t! ESPN’s best personality earns his bro-nafides from his wit, his affinity to sit front row at Terrapin games, and Dewey Beach.

Ed Hochuli

He lifts, Bro. He lifts.

Alex Ovechkin

The Mad Russian of the NHL can run a dangle city clinic. Ovie’s the Michael Jordan of Russia and even once made out with two girls at the same time while getting profiled by GQ. Worthy of a fist-bump.

Charles Barkley

While he may be stuck behind a booth or desk these days he is still an in-your-face figure in the sports world. Sir Charles makes the list because Sir Charles gives no fucks. And we applaud that.

Arnold Palmer

The King. The only golfer who has been seen kissing Kate Upton. Kate Freaking Upton! He’s 83-years-old. That’s old man swagger if such a thing ever existed. Game over. The King wins.

Continue reading on the next page… 

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Richie Incognito

Bar fights, swinging his helmet at people during plays. I wouldn’t want to be on his bad side, but I bet he’s a hell of a good time wherever he’s drinking. Shots are on Richie. Hell I bet he puts down a bottle of whiskey before taking the field every Sunday.

Aaron Murray

He’s like a less-offensive Johnny Football. Also: Loves sorority girls.

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Ryan Braun

Drugs, Cheating, Lying. Probably some sex. Hot girlfriend. Ryan Braun’s steroid scandal reads like a night out on the Jersey Shore. Hate on him for “disgracing the sanctity of baseball” all you want, but don’t call him not a Bro.

Chris Andersen

If I had to give someone some serious life advice, it would probably twofold. Don’t get a neck tattoo; don’t take PCP. But Birdman did both that. And you know what, Birdman ain’t care. You gotta respect him for that.

Pat McAfee

Back in 2011, the most lovable punter in the NFL was arrested for public intoxication after jumping in a canal in Indianapolis. His exchange with the cop, as reported in the police report, is the most Bro thing ever:

Police asked McAfee if he had been swimming in the canal.

“I am not sure,” he replied.

Police then asked, “How did you get wet?”

“It was raining,” said McAfee.

“Where is your shirt?”

“It’s in the water.”

“How are you getting home?”

“I am waiting for a friend to come get me.”

“Where is your friend?”

“I am getting a cab.”

“Do you want me to call a cab?”

“I will walk home.”

“You cannot walk home.”

“Why can’t I walk home?”

“You are drunk and it is not safe.”

“I know I am drunk but does that mean I cannot walk home?”

“How much did you drink?”

“A lot ’cause I am drunk.”

#Hero

Matthew Stafford

He’s a Savior to Lions fans everywhere. Also: Have you ever seen his hot girlfriend, former UGA cheerleader Kelly Hall, dance? Ummm…. She’s pretty good at it.

Nick Swisher

Hey, he has to be good at something, right? He’s got a larger-than-life personality and he’s not afraid to use it. He quickly ingratiates himself with the local fanbase, charms them with his eccentricities and then moves onto the next town. He’s a sabremetrician’s Bro, but a Bro nonetheless.

Patrick Kane

He’s a two-time Stanley Cup winner. But he may be even more legendary after-hours. His partying prowess is unmatched and he does little to combat the frat-boy persona he’s taken on. No shame in his game. Dude almost single-handedly shut down the University of Wisconsin’s famed Mifflin Street block party (RIP).

Johnny Manziel

Johnny Football is on top of the world and it’s only his sophomore year. The A&M quarterback had a mugshot from a bar fight in College Station before his Heisman-winning season. His frat party-crashing tactics at the University of Texas are downright legendary. Oh, did we mention his the ladies he hangs out with, including his ex-squeeze, Sarah Savage? She’s OK:

Rob Gronkowski

 

All hail Gronk, king of the Bros. Even when he’s injured Gronk still manages to be the biggest stud in the NFL, dancing with his shirt off at LSU frat bars and in Vegas clubs. All it took was one pic of Gronk hanging out with pornstar BiBi Jones to begin his ascension to the top of the Bro sports throne. He seems like a genuinely nice guy, too. No way he’s sorry for partying:

BroBible Staff

About BroBible Staff...

  • Colin Barry

    I remember watching Pat Mcafee try to drink a gallon of milk when he was in college in Morgantown. The milk did not stay down if you are wondering.

    • jack_sprat2

      Amateur. Wilt Chamberlain ROUTINELY chased down his gallon of milk with a gallon of orange juice.

  • Will Robinson

    Too many white people on this list.

    • Ted

      Put it back in the deck.

    • mje

      Racist prick

    • janet

      And that’s bad how?

    • Whitey Ford

      Says a black man

      • Niggerwhat

        all the black men

    • squiggs

      The reason there’s so many white people on this list is because the things that qualify them to be “bros” would qualify the black athletes to be labeled trouble makers and irresponsible. A double standard still exist in sports.

      • jack_sprat2

        Bro-ness is mostly a white thing, just as cool is mostly a black thing. Nothing exclusive about it, but each is aspirational. Black guys can be country, too, but most who are, were born and raised that way. It’s no accident that all of those middle class black rappers didn’t follow in Charlie Pride’s footsteps.

        Notice that MOST famous bros still prefer to just throw something on. Whereas, almost all famous Brothers plan their day’s wardrobes in advance.

      • Skyhawk

        Not really. Bros are just cool guys having fun. Black guys usually commit crimes.

        • I hate ignorant white people

          Jump in a lake n dnt swim

          • Skyhawk

            Statistics my friend. Statistics.

          • http://YoureInMyDreamsNow.tumblr.com/ Roy Hanks

            statistics created out of fairy dust by white men that apparently you believed.

        • I.m. McBee

          correction skyhawk, black guys mostly get arrested, jailed and imprisoned for the same shit white folks walk on.

      • Victor Jarvis

        Derp

    • Lestersplace

      What about Tiger Woods… oh wait! Nevermind. Lol

  • Chad

    U bitches the racist prick an yes it’s always a double standard an everybody know it but refuses to acknowledge it stop being racist trying not to b racist u fucking moron an Ted fuck u u put it back n the deck fucktard! Wow Janet r u that stupid….????? An Whitley ford ur racist white ass need to stfu stupid trick! Mje how the fuck he racist by calling u fucks out really u the racists one stop making double standards for ur race an putn blacks under the stereotype that’s racist!

    • Colin

      How does a dude with a faggy name like chad try to come off as gangster

      • Sein Attar

        Keep talkin, Colin.

      • Keith Sonofthecity Josey

        lol

      • jack_sprat2

        I thought that he was going for “stereotypically illiterate”.

        That gives me an idea for a PSA: “Fight stereotypes/Don’t BE one”. Just doing my part.

    • J 2 G

      hahah black people are so dumb!
      I know not all are bad but jesus, there’s only like 10% (or less) of you shit stains that can even write a complete sentence.

      • Earl

        Judging by the grammatical mistakes in your post, I’m not sure you’d know a complete sentence if you saw one.

    • Skyhawk

      All Chads are douchey. End.

  • Quentin Raffensberg

    Only Americans? No tennis, soccer, olympian bros? The biggest bro is Cristiano Ronaldo.

    • Skyhawk

      soccer is for homos.

      • el borracho

        Skyhawk…really?! you call yourself Skyhawk. Your name alone sounds like you take big cock up your ass!

        • Skyhawk

          Why do I feel like you are the kind of guy who sees gay in everything?

          Clearly a soccer player as well.

          • colby

            Clearly a soccer player as well LOL. Soccer is for fags

        • Chilly

          Skyhawk and Colby, two sissys that never played sports and have zero athletic ability or maybe made the JV football team in high school because they let anyone who could fog a mirror on the team. The girls that Skyhawk and Colby had a crush on in high school were more interested in a soccer player and would pay them no attention. 95% of the time this applies to anyone who makes a stupid comment about soccer. Andrew Luck, huge soccer fan. John Beason, linebacker NFL, huge soccer fan. Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, and countless NBA players, again huge fans of soccer. Now you terds, Skyhawk and Colby, go back to your moms basements while I, a soccer player, get back to banging the girl that you pretend you hand is.

  • Timmy

    For you kids calling for the race card… you do know non-lax-bros are usually considered D-bags and tools… so chill out kiddos.

  • jay

    Biggest fucking douch bags.

  • http://wrtym.blogspot.com Nolan Lees

    Matt Stafford is totally going bald. Hence, the bro look of wearing a baseball hat at all times. Even during games, the second he takes off his helmet, he’s got a Lions hat on.

    It’s his secret shame.

    • John Mayo

      Shame? You cannot be serious, and YOU’RE completely wrong. With a woman like that, there is no basis for being ashamed of a receding hairline. Besides he can always deal with the “balding” the same way Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, or Jason Stratham did. Just cut it all off and be cool. With his woman.

  • James Sweeney

    steroids or not, Ryan Braun has the best physique on the list………A lot of his generation does not think steroids are a bad thing……..all those ‘shore’ bro’s included………..they keep themselves in shape to attract women…..and always have………there is nothing wrong with being a bro , or cool, as long as you respect yourself………

    • Daniel Lawson

      except for the damage it does to your dick

      • colby

        Its a fact steroids dont make your dick smaller they just enlarge everything else. which in turn makes it look smaller.

        • Daniel Lawson

          not, but it can affect your ability to use your dick for things other then pissing… long term use like much of just about anything will do things you would rather live without

      • Chris Edwards

        You’re confusing your dick with your balls.

  • Corey

    This is the stupidest website I’ve ever accidentally stumbled upon. Stop feeding into negative make stereotypes, idiots.

  • Abhi

    No Mike Napoli?

    • billyrock

      I think you mean Johnny Gomes

  • Escobeats

    More like dumb fucks.

  • Johnny Newwin

    Some beauties on here but Vince McMahon, Ryan Braun, Richie Incognito? Are you fucking kidding me? This is embarrassing. The creators of this website must be LOSERS…

  • Paul Lachapelle

    they all remind me of Justin bieber and all time uri beer chugging champ jim chapman.

  • drummer

    Well, that’s 10 minutes of my life I will never get back.

  • JL

    yeah, that’s why the black people get everything they want. weather they deserve it or NOT. Usually NOT. That6s yo0ur double standard in sports.

    • JL

      when is enough, ENOUGH? No matter what, it will never end….

  • John Wilkes-Root

    Brolific list, bros but I think Sean Avery should get at least a Bronarable mention. He tapped Elisha Cuthbert and broduced this epic sound byte.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1L3f4q2r7o

  • HaitianPapi

    If gronk was black he would be one of the most hated athletes in the NFL. Lose the Superbowl and be out dancing when you are “hurt”. Get a huge contract and play a cpl games in 2 years but still party like you don’t give a shit. Get hurt everytime you touch the ball but still out at clubs acting like a idiot. I laugh every time white people defend this clown.

  • Bob

    I like it how “bro” Tiger would hang out with the likes of Sir Charles and Michael Jordan and then Erin suddenly discovered he was fooling around! What did she think they were doing together in Vegas — taking in Circus Soleil? What a doofus she was. Now a rich doofus.

  • SarahPalinJesusRevenge

    Richie Incognito and Ryan Braun are pieces of trash and shouldn’t be celebrated anywhere. While the author may think drinking with Incognito would be fun, the videos of him extremely drunk and in a blind rage aren’t really my idea of a good time drinking.
    Also, shout out to all those ladies you listed under Derek Jeter, who are now all enjoying the herpes he gave them!

  • Jabez Ledres

    bros = white dudes

  • GabrielMadooma

    man who cares about this american shit

  • mantha

    really ? you guys are fucking stupid.. its not a white thing .. its not a black thing. Jesus because theres not a black person on this its racist !? fucking ridiculous if it was ALL blacks it would be fine calm your dicks.