The other day we had a revelation while crushing Nattys and slinging lacrosse balls around the office: We've never published a list of the biggest Bros in sports. We've never compiled a list of the athletes in the public spotlight who seem to live life to the fullest, love to party, and are generally obsessed with being as freaking sweet as humanly possible. Thus, we put our heads together to rank the biggest, hardest-partying Bros in sports. These are dudes who make other dudes jealous: Not just for what they can accomplish on the field, but how awesome their lives are out-of-uniform as well. They are animals in all the right ways:
He’s an utter lunatic, prone to headbutting guards sans helmet. He isn’t afraid to break out a celebration dance after the most minor of tackles. And no other football player has sounded more stereotypically bro-ish than when Cushing once, on-camera, questioned Arian Foster about his “haikus.”
Just because you don’t drink doesn’t mean you’re not a Bro. Why does he deserve to be here? That’s a clown question, bro.
The shameless sexual exploits are there, obviously, but Tiger makes the list because no athlete, in history, has ever acted more bro-ish with a reporter. It happened in the late-90s. Tiger wasn’t yet perfectly media-trained. And with GQ's Charles Pierce, he was unafraid to talk about video games, girls, and the finer points of dirty joke telling. It was Peak Tiger Bro-ness.
Lara Dutta, Rachel Uchitel, Joy Enriquez, Mariah Carey, Vida Guerra, Vanessa Minnillo, Jordana Brewster, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Adriana Lima, Minka Kelly, Hannah Davis...need I find other reasons why he is Bro? No, I needn't.
Have you seen him walk? I mean, HAVE YOU SEEN HIM WALK? That right there is an I-have-massive-balls swagger if I’ve ever seen one (and rumor has it I HAVE seen one). Other WWE Bros may be able to kick his ass, but he owns the fucking company and nothing is more Bro than being the boss.
Scott Van Pelt
Yeah, whatever, he's not an athlete, but name a bigger Bro in sportscasting? You can't! You just can't! ESPN’s best personality earns his bro-nafides from his wit, his affinity to sit front row at Terrapin games, and Dewey Beach.
He lifts, Bro. He lifts.
The Mad Russian of the NHL can run a dangle city clinic. Ovie's the Michael Jordan of Russia and even once made out with two girls at the same time while getting profiled by GQ. Worthy of a fist-bump.
While he may be stuck behind a booth or desk these days he is still an in-your-face figure in the sports world. Sir Charles makes the list because Sir Charles gives no fucks. And we applaud that.
The King. The only golfer who has been seen kissing Kate Upton. Kate Freaking Upton! He’s 83-years-old. That’s old man swagger if such a thing ever existed. Game over. The King wins.