I’m not a big soccer guy. My foreign soccer friends call me an “arrogant American” who is addicted to scoring and can’t appreciate its beauty. I then take a bite into my double bacon cheeseburger and start stroking my pet bald eagle while looking up Olympic medal counts on my iPhone. They hate when I do that. But I can certainly tip my cap to a dude sending a goaltender through the fucking net with a laser strike. That transcends sport. That’s some Gladiator shit. So when my friends look at me with that smug “told ya soccer is the best” look, I cue up these four gifs to show that in America, this is just another day at the office.