Sports

The Sh*ttiest Things That Happened In Football This Week

#Football
by Last Updated

As we do every single week, we made sure to post up on our couch with a full beer in hand to watch football the entire weekend. While we saw some good games, there was a lot of shitty stuff, too, with botched field goals, crazy onside kick recoveries and a few bush league moves that stood out.

Whether you’re just seeing these for the first time or are still shaking your head after a few days to absorb them, we guarantee you’ll agree that these are the shittiest things that happened in college and pro football this week.

6. It Was DeflectGate For The Miami Dolphins

“”There’s luck in all of sports, but when the Miami Dolphins scored a touchdown that deflected off of a Philadelphia Eagles player’s helmet and into the arms of wideout Jarvis Landry, Philly fans probably took a swig of the closest alcohol before slamming something through the wall—because this shit was crazy. Oh, and if you’re wondering, yes, this was the game-winning touchdown.

Knowing that, I’m sure Philly fans still haven’t put down the bottle of booze they started drinking after it first happened.

5. Baylor’s D “Fakes” An Injury In Most Blatant Way Possible

You guys, I’ve seen some really shitty shit in my lifetime from watching football, but watching Baylor DB Terrell Burt go down with quite the mysterious injury against the Oklahoma Sooners on Saturday is up there.

With OU driving and Baylor trying to slow them down, Burt was told by a teammate to go down to the ground for the clock to stop so the trainers could come check on him and the team could group up. Of course, Baylor’s claiming it was legit, but, you tell me, does it really appear like this bro got bruised up?

4. The Ravens Commit Miserably Timed Facemask Penalty

Last week during the Colts-Broncos Sunday Night game, we saw a bunch of dumbass penalties on Denver’s D that, ultimately, cost them the game and giving them their first loss of the season. This week, it was a former Bronco who gets the dunce cap for dumbest penalty in an NFL game.

So congratulations, Elvis Dumervil, as if it wasn’t embarrassing enough to lose to the shitty-as-all-hell Jacksonville Jaguars, you did so in a way that will never be forgotten, as Dumervil had a facemask penalty with ZERO TIME ON THE CLOCK that gave the Jags a free 15 yards and an untimed play, which resulted in a game-winning field-goal.

3. Georgia Player Gets Hurt From His Own Coach’s Celebration

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When in the hell are guys going to realize that slapping the fuck out of someone’s head can result in some serious injury? A reminder to Georgia Bulldogs special teams coordinator Mike Ekeler might be necessary after he knocked Dawgs cornerback Rico McGraw upside the head following a big play against Auburn.

The nasty slap from Ekeler cause McGraw’s neck to buckle back in a strange way, actually knocking his ass out for the rest of the game.

UGA may have beaten the Tigers on Saturday, but for everyone who saw this, they look like the biggest loser.

2. The Dallas Cowboys Suck, That Is All

I’m sure to get some hate on such a bold statement, but, look at the fucking facts: the Dallas Cowboys are one shitty football team.

I get it, they’re without Tony Romo at QB and have been killed with injuries all season long, but the way they lost to the equally shitty Tampa Bay Bucs on Sunday was, arguably, the low point of the franchise in the past 25 years—well, besides signing Greg Hardy.

Clinging to a 6-3 score lead with about a minute left in the game, when Bucs’ rookie signal-caller Jameis Winston went airborne and lost the pigskin, Big D rejoiced, thinking they had won the game—until some laundry turned up on the field, negating the fumble, giving the ball back to Tampa and, of course, watching Winston punch the ball into the end zone a couple plays later.

The Boys are now 2-7 and in the depths of football hell.

1. New England Practices Their Tackling… On EACH OTHER!

Look, the New England Patriots are, arguably, the best football team on the planet, improving to 9-0 with their win over the New York Giants yesterday after playing some of the most disciplined football anyone has ever seen.

But they looked like a bunch of morons during a punt return that would have resulted in a touchdown when returner Danny Amendola was taken to the ground by teammate Duron Harmon, costing New England six points.

There wasn’t a single Giants player within 10 yards, so Harmon knocking down his mate was fucking dumb as all hell. Luckily, the Pats did end up scoring a TD a few plays later—after a penalty in the end zone helped them extend the drive—but this shit could have been costly in a game that they were trailing 20-10 in at the time.