Sports
by David Covucci on December 9, 2013

At these events, the players, young gentlemen in the late teens and early 20s, are rewarded for their hard work with tokens of appreciation from the sponsors of said “Bowls.” 

These packages are what is known, in the parlance of late, as “hooked the fuck up.” So I've ranked them, from 1-32 (My thoughts in italics). 

32. Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl
Gift suite, RadioShack gift card; ESPN cap; Ogio overnighter bag; Big Game football

Is RadioShack even around? Do they sell Discmans?

31. Gildan New Mexico Bowl
Gift suite, portable mobile device charger, 8 GB USB; Oakley Breadbox sunglasses; cap, Oakley Fine Knit beanie; Oakley Flak Pack XL backpack; Gildan stadium blanket

Thank you for this phone charger and blanket. Dick. So you think I'm poor? 

30. Heart of Dallas Bowl
Gift suite; Fitbit Flex watch; ESPN cap; football

ESPN gear is what every young male wants. 

29. R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
Gift suite; Fossil watch

Meh. 

28. Sheraton Hawaii Bowl
Gift suite; Oakley sunglasses; Tori Richard aloha shirt, Pro Athletics shorts and performance T-shirt; Ogio backpack; beach towel

A Hawaiian shirt. Did someone's Dad put this together? 

27.  Little Caesars Pizza Bowl
Timely Watch Co. watch; leather luggage set; football

Just what every guy craves. Luggage. 

26. San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
$205 Best Buy gift card; Reactor Heavy Water watch; Maui Jim sunglasses; cap        

What kind of cap?

25. Fight Hunger Bowl
Soundmatters wireless portable speaker system; Fossil watch; Maxx HD Wayfarer sunglasses; messenger bag; Macy’s gift card

Messenger bag sounds so demeaning. 

24. New Era Pinstripe Bowl
Variety of New Era products

Fuck. That. 

23. Belk Bowl
Shopping trip to Belk department store; Fossil watch

Could be higher if I knew what Belk was. 

22. Russell Athletic Bowl
$450 Best Buy gift card and shopping trip; Timely Watch Co. watch; Russell Athletic workout shirt        

Would be higher but Russell Athletic gear is so 90s. 

21. Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl
Gift suite; Fossil watch; Ogio Cube backpack    

Free wings or GTFO. Fuck this. 

20.  Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl
Gift suite; Fossil watch

Complete shit. 

19. TaxSlayer.com Gator Bowl
Fossil watch; Dome hat; Mercury Luggage Seward Trunk luggage set; football, Jostens ring

GO JOSTENS 

18. National University Holiday Bowl
$305 Best Buy gift card; Reactor Meltdown watch; Maui Jim sunglasses; cap        

Maui Jim sounds cheap. 

17. AdvoCare V100 Bowl
Gift suite; Timely Watch Co. watch; New Era skull cap; football

Skull cap? That's racist. 

16. Famous Idaho Potato Bowl
Gift suite; Port Authority winter coat, Tiger Woods Nike Golf beanie, Scott winter ski gloves; iPack backpack; Big Game football

This is bullshit. Give them potatoes and tell them to score points. 

15. Hyundai Sun Bowl
Gift suite; Timely Watch Co. watch; Top of the World cap, Majestic fleece pullover; Ogio backpack; coin, Helen of Troy hair dryer

Why the hell would men need and/or want a hair dryer?

14. AT&T Cotton Bowl
Information not available; bowl committee would not disclose

MYSTERY BOX. 

13. Rose Bowl Game presented by Vizio
Gift suite; Fossil watch; New Era 59Fifty cap; Ogio backpack    

12. Tostitos Fiesta Bowl
Gift suite; Fossil watch; Ogio Cube backpack    

11.  Allstate Sugar Bowl
Gift suite; Fossil watch; New Era 39Thirty cap; Ogio backpack    

The BCS, presented by Ogio backpacks. 

10. AutoZone Liberty Bowl
Sol Republic Tracks HD headphones; Bulova watch; Nike sunglasses; Nike athletic shoes and sport sandals; Nike Kevin Durant backpack; football

Sport sandals. For the athletic lounger. 

9. Chick-fil-A Bowl
Fossil watch; Russell Athletic cap; Russell Athletic bag; football, $300 Visa gift card, Chick-fil-A gift card

I use my cash gift cards exclusively for lunch. This could buy a lot of lunch. 

8. Military Bowl presented by Northrop Grumman 
Sony PlayStation 4; winter hat; Ogio backpack    

It would be higher if they gave you games to play on the PS4. 

7. Discover Orange Bowl
Gift suite; Tourneau watch

HIGH END WATCH.

6. Capital One Bowl
$450 Best Buy gift card and shopping trip; Timely Watch Co. watch; Russell Athletic workout shirt

That's a lot of money. 

5. Beef ‘O’ Brady’s St. Petersburg Bowl
Samsung Galaxy Tab 3;  Oakley Breadbox sunglasses; Oakley Status backpack; Schutt mini helmet

Breadboxes are dope. 

4. Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl
Samsung Galaxy Tab 3; beanie, cap; Oakley Flak Pack XL backpack; football, Zappos gift card

Tablet computing and free shoes from Zappos. Don't mind if I do. 

3. Texas Bowl
Samsung Galaxy Tab 3; Fossil watch; belt buckle, T-shirt; Ogio backpack; lapel pin

I bet that belt buckle is Texas HUGE. 

2. Valero Alamo Bowl
iPad Mini with retina display, Apple gift card; Fossil watch; panoramic photo, Schutt mini helmet

Apple products and money to buy more Apple products

1. Outback Bowl
$150 Best Buy gift card; Fossil watch; cap; Jostens ring, Outback Steakhouse gift card

Free Outback? Fuck and yes.

David Covucci

About David Covucci...

David Covucci is writerer-bloggerer for BroBible dot com. He loves Twitter and whiskey. He can be reached at david.covucci@brobible.com.

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