Shirtless Philadelphia Eagles Fan With Huge Boobies Gives A Pre-Game Tailgate Rant That Belongs In A Movie

Vegas, adjust your odds. The Philadelphia Eagles are going to the Super Bowl. The shirtless grown man in 40 degree weather with a Pillsbury Dough Boy body believes it more than I have every believed in anything in my life. So what if Sam Bradford is about as effective at QB as Michael J. Fox would be as a barber? So what if midtown Manhattan has more yards than DeMarco Murray this season?  So what if I would have rather watched my parents having sex over that dumpster fire of a Monday Night Football game? The soothsayer has spoken.

Super Bowl 50:

Philadephia Eagles: 18
Jacksonville Jaguars: 4

Bet the farm on it.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.