The seemingly unstoppable Houston Texans bring their 10-gallon hats to New Jersey tonight to take on the soap opera that is the New York Jets. On paper, this looks like a mismatch. But they don’t play the games on paper. They play them in between drinks. Saddle up and ride with us tonight, won’t you?

One drink for each


• First down

• Punt

• Replay

• Commercial break

• Promotion for upcoming ESPN program

• Flashback to last Monday

• Times the Jets’ quarterback situation is discussed
• Gratuitous Tim Tebow shot
• Time Rex Ryan looks cranky
• Matt Schaub’s ear injury is dissected
• The Texans’ pass rush is applauded

Two drinks for each


• Turnover
• Pass interference call

• Allusion to Santonio Holmes or Darrelle Revis’ season-ending injuries
• Reminder Schaub was injured last year during the playoffs
• Time the cameraman finds Fireman Ed
• Bad call (hey, the normal guys aren’t perfect either)

• Discussion of Arian Foster’s greatness
• Time Andre Johnson’s place among current wide receivers is debated

Three drinks for each


• Challenge

• Touchdown

• Field goal

• Overhead shot of New York City
• Time the Jets defense is erroneous characterized as “great”
• Jets first down
• Anyone on your Facebook feed details the game’s fantasy football implications

• Time Jon Gruden refers to someone as “this guy”

Finish your drink if


• Tim Tebow takes a snap
• Foster scores
• 
Sanchez throws for over 200 yards
• The game is within 10 points in the fourth quarter

Expert's pick: Houston 28, New York 13

Pass-Out Percentage: 39 percent