Boy Scout Novak Djokovic Whined About The Smell Of Weed During His Rogers Cup Semifinal Match

Novak Djokovic has never taken a puff of weed in his entire life. I don’t have reliable sources, or any sources, to confirm that fact but make no mistake, it is a fact. He’s definitely that friend who sits around while you all get stoned and make smug, condescending remarks like “are you stoners hungry?” and  “just hope your job doesn’t randomly drug test” and “I take myself entirely too seriously.”

And now I know this. Like I have evidence. Because yesterday during Djokovic’s Rogers Cup semifinal victory over Jeremy Chardy, he expressed his displeasure with an audience member getting silly stoned off that “wacky tobaccy,” as Novak definitely refers to it.

He snitched to an umpire like a slithery snake.

Djokovic spoke after the match:

“Someone is smoking weed, I can smell it, I’m getting dizzy. Somebody is getting high. Can you smell it? The whole place smells of it.”

Getting dizzy??? OOOOOOkkkkk.

He elaborated when pressed by the media:

“You can’t believe how bad it was. Whoever it is, I hope he doesn’t come back tomorrow. He’s probably on the seventh sky somewhere.”

I can’t believe how bad it was?? I’ve got weed now that smells like a skunk crawled into another skunks asshole, died, and the skunk with the dead skunk in his rectum shits out the dead skunk. I literally got lost in my own apartment after I smoked it.

Djokovic continued to expose the guilty party during his doubles match yesterday.

“Yesterday in the doubles match, today again. Somebody’s really enjoying his life around the tennis court.”

Novak simply did not get the message.

[H/T Complex]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.