I could come up with a witty opening, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around last night’s episode of “The League.” Honestly, what the hell was that? Was this an attempt to spin off Rafi and Dirty Randy into their own show? (A show that would fare so much better with nudity, mind you.) Unlike with “The League,” we’re not ignoring football for a week, so here we go.
Survivor Pick of the Week:
DENVER over Philadelphia
Remember those people who thought Cleveland was going to lose their rest of their games after the Trent Richardson trade and therefore took Minnesota in their survivor pool last week? Yeah, those people are now kicking themselves for putting their fate in the hands of Christian Ponder. I ask that you let this serve as a reminder when you pick survivor games. You can’t get mad yourself when the best gets unexpectedly upset, but you’ll rue the day you relied on a horse-shit team with a rocks-for-brains quarterback.
Who’s the best quarterback through three weeks? Peyton Manning. Who’s the best team in the league right now? The Denver Broncos. (OK, maybe you’ll say Seattle, but work with me here.) Denver’s at home this weekend, which also fits into my usual formula for victory. The Eagles haven’t stopped anyone so far this season and are allowing 29 points a game. Although Denver couldn’t break 40 points last weekend, so their offense is clearly getting worse. Maybe I should head in another direction? Not so much.
Your other options this week are very limited, so hopefully you didn’t take the Broncos last week. New Orleans thrives in night home games, so even the 3-0 Dolphins should come up short. After that you could look to two road teams, which is never my cup of tea. Indianapolis should demolish the lowly Jaguars. The same applies to the Bengals rolling into Cleveland since the Bengals are quite more capable than the Vikings. The Chiefs are rolling this year, but you know the Giants are just as capable of showing up big as they are laying an egg.
Teams used: Indianapolis, New England, and Seattle
Thursday Night Pick:
San Francisco -3 over ST. LOUIS
The 49ers defense is a shell of its former self. Aldon Smith had one Keystone Light too many and ended up in rehab. Patrick Willis tugged too hard at night and injured his groin. Their secondary is still getting adjusted to the loss of Dashon Goldson and Nnamdi Asomugha’s shoddy play in the slot isn’t helping. The offense hasn’t fared much better with 10 points in the last two weeks. Colin Kaepernick looks like hot garbage and the running game has disappeared.
Thankfully for them, the Rams can’t play offense with an efficiency. They only scored seven points in Dallas last week and remember that they scored their three touchdowns in Atlanta after the game was already on ice. They’re fourth-worst in the league at rushing the ball and the passing numbers are only in the top 10 because of garbage time. Their defense has struggled against two NFL caliber offensive lines after shining against five dudes Arizona might as well have picked up at Applebee’s. San Francisco may be in trouble, but St. Louis is the cure for what ails them.
Reggie’s pick: San Francisco
Last Week: 9-7