BRO TIP: Never, Under Any Circumstance, Park In Urban Meyer’s Parking Spot

It’s confirmed: in order to be successful in this life, you have to be a dick. Floyd Mayweather: Dick. Donald Trump: Dick. Me: Really nice guy with good intentions, neck deep in debt and no girl to love. That’s why I should take a page out of Urban Meyer’s book after he landlocked a car that was parked in his parking spot in an apparent empty lot. So what if the dude was in a rush to pick up his girlfriend who was going into labor? Urban’s won three National Championships and deserves to park his $90,000 car in his spot while your girlfriend births a child the old-fashioned way. You may call it petty and elitist, but you don’t become only the second coach in college football history to win a National Championship with two different schools by not ruining someone’s day to prove a small point.

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If you want to get out before midnight, it’s probably best to book an Uber, brah.

[H/T Bleacher Report]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.