Sports
by Reggie Noble on October 22, 2012

One drink for each


  • First down

  • Punt

  • Replay

  • Commercial break

  • Promotion for upcoming ESPN program

  • Flashback to last Monday

  • Chicago-based cliché – “Windy City” or “Monsters of the Midway”
  • Time Lovie Smith looks flummoxed
  • Time Cutler looks pissed
  • Time Jim Schwartz looks like he wants to hit someone
  • Brandon Marshall reception
  • Lions pass play – congratulations, you’re very, very drunk

Two drinks for each

  • Turnover
  • Mention of Mikel Leshoure’s off-field issues
  • Reminder that, somehow, Detroit made the playoffs last season
  • Bad call
  • Time Matt Forte is cast as a workhorse
  • Time Forte is called a dual-threat back
  • Overhead shot of Chicago
  • Mention of Mike Ditka
  • Mention of Mike Singletary, Dick Butkus or Walter Payton

Three drinks for each

  • Challenge

  • Touchdown

  • Field goal

  • Time Ndamukong Suh does anything productive
  • Time Cutler’s place among current quarterbacks is dissected
  • Play over 20 yards
  • Anyone on your Facebook feed details the game’s fantasy football implications

  • Time Jon Gruden refers to someone as “this guy”

Finish your drink if


  • The Lions score a rushing touchdown
  • Cutler rushes for a first down
  • Either quarterback throws for over 300 yards
  • Any team opens up a 14-point lead

Expert's pick: Chicago 24, Detroit 21

Pass-Out Percentage: 52 percent