Matthew Stafford leads the Detroit Lions into Chicago to face the Bears tonight in a pivotal NFC North showdown. Jay Cutler will be pissy, Calvin Johnson will be enormous and the encased meats will be plenty. Get drunk with us, won’t you?

One drink for each


• First down

• Punt

• Replay

• Commercial break

• Promotion for upcoming ESPN program

• Flashback to last Monday

• Chicago-based cliché – “Windy City” or “Monsters of the Midway”
• Time Lovie Smith looks flummoxed
• Time Cutler looks pissed
• Time Jim Schwartz looks like he wants to hit someone
• Brandon Marshall reception
• Lions pass play – congratulations, you’re very, very drunk

Two drinks for each


• Turnover
• Mention of Mikel Leshoure’s off-field issues
• Reminder that, somehow, Detroit made the playoffs last season
• Bad call
• Time Matt Forte is cast as a workhorse
• Time Forte is called a dual-threat back
• Overhead shot of Chicago
• Mention of Mike Ditka
• Mention of Mike Singletary, Dick Butkus or Walter Payton

Three drinks for each


• Challenge

• Touchdown

• Field goal

• Time Ndamukong Suh does anything productive
• Time Cutler’s place among current quarterbacks is dissected
• Play over 20 yards
• Anyone on your Facebook feed details the game’s fantasy football implications

• Time Jon Gruden refers to someone as “this guy”

Finish your drink if


• The Lions score a rushing touchdown
• Cutler rushes for a first down
• Either quarterback throws for over 300 yards
• Any team opens up a 14-point lead

Expert's pick: Chicago 24, Detroit 21

Pass-Out Percentage: 52 percent