First off, the pansy was never hurt in the first place. Probably stubbed his toe and called for a helicopter to airlift him to the hospital. Wouldn’t be surprised if he muttered a “tell my mom I love her” while being carried off. And the medics knew he was being a typical soccer diva, that’s why they dropped him like my ex-girlfried dropped me after she found out I’m a degenerate gambler with zero aspirations: quickly and ruthlessly.
Can’t say either of us didn’t have it coming.
[h/t Deadspin]