Sports
by Paul Sacca on June 28, 2014

luis-suarez-bite-meme

The entire planet has castigated Uruguay World Cup soccer player Luis Suarez for his apparent chomp of Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini. He was sentenced to a worldwide banishment of nine matches and is forced to sit out the next four months by FIFA. However maybe before we all make a meme or completely berate the soccer player, we should hear his side of the story.

“After the impact… I lost my balance, making my body unstable and falling on top of my opponent. At that moment I hit my face against the player leaving a small bruise on my cheek and a strong pain in my teeth,” Suarez explained.

You had four days to come up with an excuse and “My equilibrium malfunctioned causing me to go all True Blood on another human being’s shoulder,” was the best one you could come up with? The video clearly shows that the head of Suarez forcefully and intentionally thrusts his head forward like an eager girl after her prom. This is the third occasion that Suarez has purposely bitten another player. More people would have believed an excuse that you are an actual zombie and need to feed on human flesh to stay alive than you lost your balance.

luis-suarez-bite

Paul Sacca

About Paul Sacca...

World Renowned Toenail Model | Inventor of the Glory Hole | Shared a Cruller Doughnut with Jonah Hill in 2009 | Buys Porno Magazines in Airports | Voted Most Likely to be Pantsless When Arrested | 10th Member of the Wu-Tang Clan | Probably Slept with your Mother