Recently we brought you tale of a British bodybuilder who claims that breast milk is new steroids. He claims that you get more out of breast milk’s vitamin-d than you do from vitamin-s (steroids), the traditional supplement taken by bodybuilders. Well, just a few weeks later and we’re now finding out that CrossFit athletes are so desperate for breast milk as a supplement (liquid gold) that there are HUGE secondary/black markets for CrossFit athletes buying and selling breast milk. As if we already didn’t make fun of CrossFit Athletes enough on the Internet?!
Question: How are CrossFit athletes finding a competitive edge these days?
Answer:
Need some breast milk for your next CrossFit competition? Don’t worry CrossFit bro, we’ve got you covered. Thanks to CrossFit athletes’ need of booby milk there are now websites that basically ‘Craigslist for Breast Milk’ where you can get your titty milk fix. But before we get to those sites let’s see how those story came to light. KomoNews reports:
As a new mom, Rebecca deals with a lot of odd questions from complete strangers, but a recent conversation in a grocery store topped them all.
“A gentleman walked up and asked if I was breastfeeding my daughter,” recalled Rebecca.
It wasn’t that question that startled Rebecca; it’s what the man said next.
“He lingered for a minute and you could tell he was a little nervous to ask, and then he asked if I would be interested in selling him my breast milk,” said Rebecca. “I just sort of looked at him strangely and said ‘I don’t think so, but if you need breast milk they have milk banks for that – to make sure babies get milk’ and he said ‘Oh, no it’s for me. I’m doing bodybuilding and CrossFit.'”
The unidentified man’s response is what sparked KOMO to look into this story. We spent days contacting CrossFit gyms, bodybuilders, and other fitness centers to learn more. The conversations with people, from more than 20 businesses, usually started the same way — silence followed by a burst of laughter.
“I thought it was a joke actually,” said Jake Platt, owner of Northwest CrossFit.
Platt, like most people, knew nothing about carb-loading with breast milk before workouts. A few people we contacted said they’d heard of it, but didn’t know anyone actually doing it.
“I would never in my wildest dreams think somebody would be drinking breast milk for performance,” said Platt.
What they want you to believe breast milk is doing as a performance-enhancing supplement:
So where are these CrossFit athletes buying their over-the-counter steroids disguised as breast milk? Websites like ‘OnlyTheBreast‘, where anyone seeking to buy or sell breast milk can enter the blackmarket for booby milk. The price of breast milk ranges from $2-5/ounce, so it’s certainly not cheap. But CrossFit is already a foolishly expensive sport, requiring special gym memberships, special dietary restrictions, and traveling all across the nation to circle jerk competitions.
For more on this bizarre CrossFit breast milk story you can click on over to KomoNews by following the link in the post above!