Lamar Odom gets busted for DUI

Lamar Odom’s plummet into the abyss is now complete. According to TMZ, he was arrested early this morning for a DUI. TMZ was not at all tipped off to this incident by the Kardashians, a family of harlots and godless jezebels that pretty much ruined his life.

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He’s being held on $15,000 bail. That’s what Kim made in like the first 10 seconds of her sex tape. But I digress. But seriously, did you know her mom orchestrated the whole thing? True story.

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Anyway, back to Lamar, whose life is clearly over.

He was pulled over on the 101 Freeway for going too slow — 50 MPH. Lamar did not respond to cops, and drove 3 exits before finally coming to a stop. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ he showed obvious signs of intoxication.

Lamar failed numerous field sobriety tests.

When Lamar was booked, we’re told he refused all chemical tests.

Yea, if I was high on crack, I’d refuse all chemical tests too. After I got done licking the floor and masturbating in public because that’s people are on crack do. At least, that’s what I remember from my D.A.R.E. days.