Sports
by Peter Sullivan on February 6, 2014

ultimate-lacrosse-bro

Lax or Baseball? It’s an age-old debate that can often start fierce arguments amongst bros. It has been said that philosophers discussed the question since the beginning of time. It was me. I said that.

But regardless of who said what, it really is a question that needs to be answered. So I picked four important aspects of both sports and decided to break them down. Here we go, best of four wins:

1. Hair

You have to go lacrosse here. Hands down. I mean what other sport has an “All Flow Team?” Watch a college lacrosse game and try not to be baffled by some of the lettuce these guys have. Impossible. The only sport that might be able to give lax a run for their money is dodgeball.

Damn, White Goodman had some great hair. But since he is only a fictional character (though very real and dear to our hearts) lacrosse reins supreme in this category.

Winner: Lax

2.  Option of going pro

Face it: if you’re a college lacrosse player you’ve got to get all the partying and cocaine in your system that you possibly can before you graduate. Because odds are, you aren’t going pro. Nobody watches the MLL. Meanwhile, baseball bros like Bryce Harper have a long time of partying ahead of them.

Winner: Clearly Baseball

3. Gear

Baseball gear is sweet, don’t get me wrong. But lacrosse players are nothing without their style. I don’t care if you’re Paul fucking Rabil himself, if you jog on to the lacrosse field wearing ankle socks you are a scrub. The gear is of upmost importance to lax players. The pennies, the shorts, the helmets, the sticks, ect. If you don’t look good, you probably aren’t good.

Winner: Lax

4. Ability to chill

When it comes to raging ability, or just chilling off the field I’d say the two sports are pretty even. Every sport has its douches and its bros. So it’s kind of impossible to pick one.

However when it comes to chilling on the field baseball has the advantage. I mean, who has it better when they hit the field in the morning after a long night of partying? Gotta go with baseball. Being able to sit in the dugout for half the game and spend the other half of the game playing with yourself in center field? Sure, it might get boring, but it’s better than getting checked in the ribs while battling the hangover from hell and trying not to puke through your helmet.

Winner: Baseball

Well, once again trying to go “best out of 4” to solve something has failed me. So I’m just going to pick Lacrosse. As a former lacrosse player, am I biased? Probably. Does anything in this article really matter? Nah, not really.

Overall Winner: Lax 

Peter Sullivan is a comedian from the D.C. area. Follow him on Twitter.

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