Last night Joey Crawford ripped the ball out of Kevin Durant’s hands at the free throw line with the game on the line to correct some kind of clock malfunction. Something about team fouls I think. I can’t be sure though because I was distracted by the theatrics surrounding the whole situation. Little Joey pointing and screaming at a poor clock operator while beads of sweat poured down his shiny bald, head. Some people wondered what Crawford was doing, but not me. He was just being THAT GUY.
- You know, that guy who goes to a party and demands to sit by the keg all night because he’s the only one who knows how to pump it.
- That guy who plays pickup basketball and holds the back of your shirt the whole time so you can’t get free.
- That guy who takes pride in telling kids he can buy beer and they can’t.
- That guy who starts a fight and then says “hold me back, hold me back” while somebody else gets knocked out.
- That guy who will remind you of the time he hit a home run with a broken bone in his arm. Although we all know it was just a bruise.
- That guy in the cubicle who won’t stop complaining about his job but will never get another one because “you can’t beat these benefits.”
- That guy who says he hopes somebody tries to hijack his plane so he can tackle them.
- That guy who advertises his gross ingrown toenail to anyone who’ll listen.
- That guy who calls waitresses sweetheart.
- That guy who says he had his first cigarette at 6, first drink at 9 and first sexual encounter at 12.
- That guy who calls you a pussy for not wanting to play golf at 6am on Saturday morning.
- That guy who is way to excited to show you his 14 silver cavity fillings.
- That guy who taps his gut, says “Ah I gotta get in shape” then laughs like a maniac and eats two more sausages.
- That guy who always kind of smells like Brut aftershave.
So you see, before you start screaming at Joey Crawford the next time he does something you don’t agree with, remember, he’s just that guy.
[Image via Mark D. Smith-USA TODAY Sports]
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