Jockey Gets Annihilated After Getting Thrown From Horse, And The Fact That He’s Not Dead Has To Be An April Fools Joke

Lewis Ferguson, an 18-year-old jockey, riding in his fifth professional race ever, probably wished retired after his fourth.

Ferguson was just about to reach the final hurdle when the horse unexpectedly changed direction, sending Lew spiraling through the air for like 20 seconds.

Wincanton clerk of the course Barry Johnson stated,

“Lewis is absolutely fine, unbelievably. He walked into the parade ring and was chatting away as if nothing had happened, calm as you like. It was amazing, I’ve never seen anything like it. It was certainly the worst fall I’ve ever seen and I’m just glad he’s all right because I feared the worst.”

Lol. Good one, Barry, you insensitive son-of-a-bitch. But for real, when are the services? Shoot me the address to the funeral home so I can send a bouquet. Here’s a tip going forward, Barry. If you’re going to play an April Fool’s joke, make sure it’s halfway believable. The only way I’d believe this dude is still alive after doing more flips than McKayla Maroney is if there was a glitch in the Matrix. Doesn’t seem likely. Like next year, don’t pretend that your buddy, Lewis, arouse from the dead. Too outlandish, that dude is as dead as my dick after a whiskey binge.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.