Sports
by Kyle Koster on April 30, 2014

Winston-stunned

Reigning Heisman Trophy winner Jameis Winston has been suspended from the Florida State baseball team and will perform community service after he was issued an adult civil citation for stealing crab legs from a supermarket.

Yeah, it’s been a weird day. Weird, but thoroughly enjoyable.

Winston has just released a statement (which he wrote, we’re sure) explaining what happened.

“As reported in the news, last night I received an adult civil citation for petit theft from a local supermarket. I went to the supermarket with the intent to purchase dinner but made a terrible mistake for which I’m taking full responsibility. In a moment of youthful ignorance, I walked out of the store without paying for one of my items.

“I realize that I am in the public spotlight and my conduct needs to be above reproach. Over the last year I’ve learned that my accomplishments on the fields can be a wonderful thing for my school, teammates, friends, and family. At the same time, I must realize that my mistakes are magnified and can bring great embarrassment to all those who support me every day. I make no excuses for my actions and will learn and grow from this unfortunate situation. I hope and pray my friends and family will view me as the 20-year-old young man that I am, and support me through this unfortunate situation.

“I am grateful to be able to participate in the adult citation program where I will complete community service.”

So, there you have it. Winston is Gob Bluth.

Kyle Koster

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