Hank Haney's forthcoming book "The Big Miss" will undoubtedly become a best seller -- thanks in large part to all the media buzz surrounding it and its' subject -- but the latest blurbs taken from it are absurd. Haney writes, "He never offered me one or ever came back with one. It actually took me a while to summon the courage to blurt out, 'Hey, Bud, do you think I could have one of those Popsicles?”’ Are you f*cking kidding me, Hank? You were afraid to ask another man for a popsicle and you thought that was worthy of publishing in a book?

All signs already pointed to Tiger being a callous, self-serving a**hole, but Haney's book depicts him in an even worse light. According to Haney, Tiger's ex-wife Elin was not allowed to smile on the golf course and when she once made the mistake of suggesting they throw a party after a Tiger victory (like she used to when she was working for Jesper Parnevik) Tiger said, “E, that’s not what we do. I’m not Jesper. We’re supposed to win.’ Haney also added that even though Tiger hated the media peering in on his private life, Tiger loved South Park's version on him where he's seen calling Elin a ‘stupid Swedish cow.’

Other new excerpts from "The Big Miss" include Tiger's love of p*rnography, how he made others always pick up the tab, he left the restaurant the moment he was done eating, and his general lack of concern for anyone other than Tiger Woods.

Again, none of these new excerpts are groundbreaking. In fact, every excerpt released, thus far, hasn't been terribly interesting. It's just Haney affirming what we've all known for some time now: Tiger Woods is a spectacularly talented golfer and a jerk-off of a human being. If you want to read 247 pages about the latter, then your wait isn't much longer as "The Big Miss" will be on sale before The Masters.