Everyone = MediaTakeOut.com, home to the greatest internet click-bait headline of all time, and Deadspin, who posted this MediaTakeOut screencap with meta-analysis about how long it took for someone to post this story:
Also, Gawker brought this GIF to the world’s attention:
The Internet really obsesses over some stupid stuff, amirite? There is no story here, besides a lot of Internet people talking on the Internet about Michael Sam’s dick. Internet people love to obsess over petty things like this, so I’m sure what exactly the story is here besides the fact that people are talking about it. You can either continue to talk about Michael Sam’s dick or you cannot. Because this is America, it’s your choice. Either way, we don’t care. Dicks be dicks.