iStockphoto / nito100
This article was originally appeared on BroBible back on September 1st, 2015
By now most of you have heard about the fantasy football league known as the ‘Tattoo League’, where each year the last-place finisher in the league is punished by having to get a tattoo of the first-place finisher’s choosing. The ‘Tattoo League’ has been featured on ESPN and written about by nearly every sports blog on the Internet.
Sure, the odds are in your favor in the ‘Tattoo League’ but you’re risking a lot to win relatively little: the chance to choose what tattoo gets inked onto your buddy who finished in 10th.
The ‘Tattoo League’ was the genesis for the punishment rule in my own fantasy football league, and I’m pretty sure this year’s loser of ‘The Fly Bowl’ (as we call it) would rather have gotten a tattoo than endure the punishment he received, which was to fly across the country, drive hours out into the middle of the desert, and confront his worst fears head-on.
Worst Fantasy Football Punishment In History: A Night In A Haunted Clown Motel
Just like in the ‘Tattoo League’ my friends and I wanted to incentivize the league in a way that all 12 teams would stay extremely active throughout the season, and keep it as competitive as possible. We wanted to ensure that one guy didn’t experience a few injuries and end up disappearing for the entire season.
So how’d we do that? We created ‘the fly rule‘. We baked $300 into the dues/winnings so that when the season was over whoever the league champion was got to pick any destination he wanted. With that $300 the Fly Bowl Champion could then buy a one-way plane ticket to anywhere (in the world) of his choosing, and whoever finished in last place in the league had to get on that plane and go to whatever destination the league champ chose. Once the last-place finisher of the league made it to the destination (of the champ’s choosing) he would send pictures to the rest of the league proving that he made it, and thus the debt was paid, and the loser would then have to buy his own way home.
So it’s a two-fold punishment: the league’s last-place finisher has to travel to somewhere (miserable) of the Fly Bowl Champion’s choosing, he then has to pay for the second leg of the trip out of pocket.
This year’s loser of ‘The Fly Bowl’ was a grown-ass man (32 years old), but he still suffers from a crippling fear of clowns. Thus the league champ thought it only suitable to send The Fly Bowl loser to the middle of the desert, a three-hour drive outside of Las Vegas that takes your right past Death Valley, to the creepiest, most haunted hotel in America. It should be noted that we all live in NYC, so this was quite a long way to travel for a fantasy football punishment.
The Clown Motel is located in Tonopah, Nevada, a town over three hours outside of Las Vegas. It sits adjacent to a large cemetery, and some say it is the most haunted hotel in America due to the hundreds of clowns. This is the LAST PLACE ON EARTH someone with a crippling clown phobia (Coulrophobia) would want to spend the night.
The loser of The Fly Bowl missed check-in time, so when he showed up the key to the room was left underneath the doormat and the place was a ghost town, as if that’s not scary enough by itself…
The Haunted Clown Motel Is Legitimately Terrifying
So here are the pictures of the man in my fantasy league who lost The Fly Bowl, and had to spend the night at the World Famous Clown Motel.
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The horror for the loser sets in with each slide the Fly Bowl Champion sent to the group….
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Even though he suffers from coulrophobia he’ll be able to nurse his wounds from spending a night in the Clown Motel by spending a night or two in Las Vegas, right?
That’s a long drive from Las Vegas through the middle of nowhere, the part of the country where horror movies are filmed. It’s important to stock up on gasoline, water, and weapons before driving through this part of the country:
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Aaaaaand he’s arrived. Most of us on the East Coast were asleep when he was sending this pics last Friday night, because he had to fly out to Las Vegas late Friday evening and didn’t make it to the Clown Motel until many hours after check-in. They left his door unlocked and told him which room he was staying in, so he arrived expected a clown to jump out of the night at any moment:
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The OFFICIAL PROOF from The Fly Bowl Loser that he’d made it to the world famous Clown Motel, now he just needed to make it through the night….
A quick look around the Clown Motel at night, it’s creepy as hell:
The room was creepy as hell with clown artwork everywhere.
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The lamp shades were only in slight disrepair, nothing creepy about that at all…
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The only motel room in the history of motels that had a creepy ass oven in it. I have to believe that there have been human body parts cooked by clowns inside of that oven…
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For some reason, the drawers in the dresser had no bottoms…
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Naturally he wedged a chair against the door so that no clowns would sneak into the room in the middle of the night, because it is a haunted clown hotel and that’s a completely reasonable thing to suspect might happen:
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Morning came without any clowns breaking into the room:
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That’s when it was time for a stroll down to the haunted graveyard that’s attached to the Clown Motel
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Thinking about investing in local real estate? This one-bedroom was available for rent:
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Some video footage of the creepy graveyard attached to the Clown Motel:
A few things of note:
1.) I was actually in danger of getting stuck flying to wherever the hell this year’s winner of The Fly Bowl chose. I was in the ‘toilet bowl’ against this year’s loser, and thanks to a sub par performance out of his quarterback and a break out week from Lamar Miller, my fate wasn’t determined by this year’s Fly Bowl Champion.
2.) Of the 12 teams/people in our fantasy league this year’s Fly Bowl Champion was THE LAST PERSON YOU’D EVER WANT DETERMINING YOUR FATE. He’s an amazing bro, but he’s the kind of bro who has way too much time on his hands (hence the 30 slide deck sent out announcing the loser would be traveling to the Clown Motel), and he’s 100% merciless. If he knows you’re scared of clowns then you’re traveling to the Clown Motel. If you’re an alcoholic then he’s sending you the the hardest place in the world to get alcohol. If you hate the cold weather then he’s sending you to Siberia or Antarctica…Get the point?
Other than that the only rules of ‘The Fly Bowl’ are that the loser is able to fulfill their punishment on the weekend and it cannot conflict with work. If work gets in the way then the trip is rescheduled until a later date. The Fly Bowl Champion has $300 at his disposal (more if he chooses to use his own money) to send the loser anywhere in the world, and the loser of the Fly Bowl has to go there, no questions asked.
So if you’re thinking of implementing a new rule to your fantasy football league and have gigantic balls like we do, might I suggest The Fly Bowl Rule? And to ESPN, when you’re ready to feature our league over the ‘Tattoo League’ you can find our contact information down below.