Sports
by Mike Camerlengo on November 14, 2013

From: Papasinthehouse4419@hotmail.com

Date: Monday, October 21, 2013 11:21 am

To: Broncos4headon2@gmail.com

Subject: Papa’s in the house!

 

Hey Peyton! Or should I call you P Diddy (like the famous rapper)??? It’s Papa, from Papa John’s. Ever since we teamed up, business has been raging…like a boner in one of those bathtub commercials. I know you’re busy with the season in mid-swing but we should host a party together. We can have unlimited pizza (obvi), lots of babes, and I can inquire about getting one of those bottle service things; maybe have the server on roller skates like at Sonic?

 

Let me know…and feel free to AUDIBLE with the plan (bc you’re a QB…get it?).

 

Holla at your Papa.

 

Papa J.


 

From: Broncos4headon2@gmail.com

Date: Thursday, October 24, 2013 10:45 am

To: Papasinthehouse4419@hotmail.com

Subject: Re: Papa’s in the house!

 

Hey John,

 

Pretty busy with football right now. I’ll see you next week at our commercial shoot. Don’t step on my lines again or I’ll cut your dick off.

 

PM


 

From: Papasinthehouse4419@hotmail.com

Date: Thursday, October 24, 2013 10:49 am

To: Broncos4headon2@gmail.com

Subject: Re: Re: Papa’s in the house!

 

Hahahaha cut my dick off? Classic P. Manning joke! I love it! Best friends always joke with each other. I threatened to cut off one of my worker’s fingers the other day and he was all like “please no I don’t even have health insurance.” WASD (what a stupid dummy).

 

No worries on the party, I’m pretty busy NEway. Gotta hit up that tanning salon, I’m trying to make my skin color match my P John’s shirt (almost there).

 

Also, please call me Papa or Papa J. Gotta keep up appearances. You wouldn’t like it if I called you Eli would you?


 

From: Broncos4headon2@gmail.com

Date: Monday, October 28, 2013 4:44 pm

To: Papasinthehouse4419@hotmail.com

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Papa’s in the house!

 

Hey JOHN,

 

If you ever mention my family again I will call an audible and throw a frozen pizza off that catcher’s mitt you call a face. Memorize your fuckin’ lines for tomorrow. And don’t improvise. I’m not trying to look like an idiot in front of some hipster doofus camera guy.

 

Get it? Good.

 

PM


 

From: Papasinthehouse4419@hotmail.com

Date: Monday October 28, 2013 4:51 pm

To: Broncos4headon2@gmail.com

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Papa’s in the house!

 

Hey Peyton,

 

It’s me big Papa J.

 

Funny you should mention improvising. Did u know that “Papa’s in the house” was just something funny I said one day when I walked into a CVS. Every1 was like, whaaaaaat? Like woah is this a new Andy Kaufman? They didn’t laugh at the time but I’m guessing later on that night they totally got the joke.

 

Sincerely PM

 

JK

 

Papa


From: Broncos4headon2@gmail.com

Date: Tuesday November 5, 2013 3:25 pm

To: Papasinthehouse4419@hotmail.com

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Papa’s in the house!

 

WORST. STORY. EVER.

 

Die in a fire started by your shitty cardboard pizza.

 

PM


 

From: Papasinthehouse4419@hotmail.com

Date: Tuesday November 5, 2013 4:10 pm

To: Broncos4headon2@gmail.com

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Papa’s in the house!

 

Another great joke. I’m coming over tomorrow with a massage guy I met at the gym. He says he does happy endings? I’m guessing they involve lots of chilling and guy talk. Women right!?!?!

 

Papa


 

From: Hotmail Server

Date: Tuesday November 5, 2013 4:11 pm

To: Papasinthehouse4419@hotmail.com

Subject: Message Undeliverable

 

The address you are trying to reach no longer exists.

 

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