Jury duty is portrayed to be almost as fun as watching paint dry which, if you ask me, is a pretty good deal considering you get lunch provided to you and I THINK, if I remember all my 1990’s John Grisham crime thriller movies correctly, you get something like $15 a day. Free food and money, plus if you’re lucky the case is actually exciting like triple homicide with a side of necrophilia rather than something lame like petty theft. No one is going to give a shit about your petty theft jury duty, but a story about the time how you voted “Not Guilty” for the guy who allegedly murdered 3 strangers in a McDonald’s and then tried to turn them into real-life Muppets by fisting them? THAT’S a killer story for small talk!
Unfortunately for Arizona Cardinals Darnell Dockett, he got stuck with a lame case for jury duty, so to amuse himself he live-tweeted the entire thing.
For those of you who are unaware, you are not supposed to live-tweet jury duty.
Damn I got jury duty today!!! Fuck! I'm not the one for this.. 😒
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
The crazy part is the people who doing jury duty with me has already made there mind up on this guy & the situation. So do I really matter?
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
The lady ask me if I wanna be here.. I said hell no I rather be home. But I don't believe in death penalty and Im not racist. Can I go now?
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
I wonder if they know I'm tweeting? Oh well, they shouldn't have selected me. They brung in this big ass police officer like gone scare me😂
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
I wish this guy would have told me what his intentions was, I could have helped him plan this out better to get away with it! #badplan
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
I don't know if I'm sneaking on Twitter or just don't want them to know I'm tweeting. Either way they are looking at me.👀 and Im like 🙇
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
They have no idea Im am double parked in a handicap spot out side this court house in a 450k car with a registered pistol. Who am I to judge
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
I just told this guy Im hungry and he's like I can't leave.. wtf U mean I can't eat! Ok watch this. Im gonna order pizza off this app! F.U.!
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
I just walked in to another court room . Look at this guy ball spot.. He should be getting judged too!! #guilty pic.twitter.com/mkO5gQ79YU
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
Ok so now they asking everyone to cut the phone off. I have 2 phones and Twitter app on both. cool I'll give up this android keeping iPhone
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
Hold up!!!!!!! I think I'm gonna get kicked out!! For my comment saying "yall had this guy guilty no matter what" and my pizza is here!🍕
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
These people ask me have I broken the law in the last 2yrs!!!! I bust out LOL, I didn't even answer I just laughed and told her to continue!
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
A lot of people N court today. I just saw a guy get 21yrs and he walked out like a G. He wasn't trippn at all and smiled. Jewelry heist!💍💎
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 2, 2014
And as for whether or not Dockett is going to be stuck being on that jury despite his shenanigans…:
Oh and a reminder I have to be back on jury duty.. They didn't not kick me out, I don't know what's next but I have to be there. #chargebatt
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) December 3, 2014
[H/T Total Frat Move, images via Twitter]