The United States failed to gain a result against Germany, but advanced to the knockout stages thanks large in part to this crucial goal scored by Cristiano Ronaldo.
Leave it the most polarizing player in the world to break our hearts in one match, only to repair them in the next. We hated you until we loved you, Ronaldo. Please come visit our country any time you please to eat greasy food and sweep our women off their feet.
As an act of penance for our immature cracks about your hair, clothes and throwing skills, here is a picture of your girlfriend.
Congratulations on winning at life.