The World Cup is almost upon us, and many teams from different countries can’t wait to win the big match!
(You got a better lede? Go for it).
In advance of the tournament, some coaches have laid down the law about their players fucking and butt-fucking their way through Brazil. ThinkProgress rounded up the policies that have made their way into the public record.
American skipper Jurgen Klinsmann thinks his players should be able to do as they please during the tournament. Sex away, Yanks! Sex away.
But our neighbor to the south feels differently. “If a player can’t go one month or 20 days without having sexual relations, then they are not prepared to be a professional player,” [Mexico manager Miguel] Herrera said. “Forty days of sexual abstinence isn’t going to hurt anybody.”
No tiene boo-tay.
Same with Bosnia and Herzogovina. Their manager, Safet Susic, gave his player an out, though. Players “can find another solution, they can even masturbate if they want.”
Hmmm. I thought masturbation was the only solution there, but maybe shit’s different in the Balkans. Thanks, Skip!
Host nation Brazil says fucking is okay, but not crazy-ass, fucking-like-whoa fucking.
Manager Luiz Felipe Scolari: “The players can have normal sex during the World Cup. Usually normal sex is done in balanced way, but there are certain forms, certain ways and others who do acrobatics. We will put limits and survey the players.”
Alright. Have your No. 2 pencils at ready to fill out those post-coital questionnaires. Paperwork and getting it on are not in the cards for Spain, Chile and Germany, who are also on the no-fuck list.
Why does this matter, though?
While managers may fret about the amount of energy their players expend between the sheets while at the World Cup, there’s no research supporting the idea that abstaining from sex improves athletic performance. The research that has been published suggests there’s no difference at all…
So I guess it’s just about laying down the law?
I want more like this!
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