According to Chad's Twitter photo (which has since been changed), 85 has tattooed the face of his soon-to-be ex-wife, Evelyn Lozada, on his leg with the word "Eve" underneath it. I'll tell you what, if this isn't some foolish move to win her back, then I commend it. If I was on a downward spiral for the ages, making terrible decisions and doing things (head butting females) that could potentially land me in jail, I'd be tattooing bitches all over my body, too. You know, that way I could jerk off in a pinch while I was in prison. Flex my calf and one chick's titties bounce, move my forearm and another bitch dances, like Petunia from "Pete and Pete." I'd even barter with the other, much larger inmates: "How about instead of raping me, you whack off while I make my sexy tattoos dance? It's just like watching porn!" is what I'd say right before he knocked me unconscious and raped me for having the audacity to assume he liked women.

Man, my attempt to simply report that Chad Johnson got a horrible tattoo of his ex-lady really escalated into so much more.