Sports
by Reggie Noble on September 24, 2013

No. He's not back. He won't be back. There is no way he could return to the NFL under any circumstances. Not even as a goof. But that won't stop the annual what-if-he-did story from happening.

And this particular one will make even the most casual of Favre-approved jeans get tight from the oozing masculinity.

Here's Bus Cook, the ol' gunslinger's agent, getting very descriptive about how Favre now spends his days:

“Today, he could play today,'' Cook said Monday night before his appearance as guest speaker at the New Horizons Credit Union-1st & 10 Club meeting at Heron lakes Country Club. “I saw him the other day. He's in the best shape I've ever seen him in, physically.

“His arms look like a blacksmith's arms. He rides a bike probably 30-50 miles a day. He runs four or five miles a day. He's coaching at the high school and they're undefeated. He loves it. His body fat is 7.5 percent and he weighs 225 pounds. He could play today, better than a lot of them out there today.''

But wait, there's more. We've exclusively obtained Favre's journal. Here are a few everyday activities the 44-year-old partakes in that Cook failed to mention:

  • Rise at 4 a.m., do 1,300 burpees
  • Milk 500 Holstein cows, promptly drink 20 gallons of untreated liquid protein
  • Pedicab local students to school, six at a time
  • Text, then regret text
  • Play Madden, purposely injure Aaron Rodgers
  • Visit local supermarket, heave full hams, receive applause
  • Catch up on Charmed reruns
  • Wonder if “Bus Cook” is agent's real name
  • Hand-squeeze an entire grove of oranges for the good people at Tropicana
  • Learn even more about history of denim
  • Attend every high school football practice in the country, toss passes, leave real players woefully underprepared for big game
  • Bed at 9 p.m., tomorrow's another big day