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Things less contaminated, and safer for human consumption, than the water at Brazil’s 2016 Summer Olympics Venues:
– Expired milk
– Anything non-breadstick related at an Olive Garden
– Curdled mayonnaise
– Huffing dog farts
– Two pounds of raw chicken
– Smegma build up
– A bowl of hot vomit
– The veal calabrese at Chris Parmigano’s (Ok, that one is an inside joke)
– Un-flushed shit water in a truck stop toilet
– Literally EVERYTHING ELSE
No, really. The water is that unsafe for human consumption. Just how unsafe is it?
Per the Associated Press:
Kristina Mena, a U.S. expert in risk assessment for waterborne viruses, examined the AP data and estimated that international athletes at all water venues would have a 99 percent chance of infection if they ingested just three teaspoons of water — though whether a person will fall ill depends on immunity and other factors.
Besides swimmers, athletes in sailing, canoeing and to a lesser degree rowing often get drenched when competing, and breathe in mist as well. Viruses can enter the body through the mouth, eyes, any orifice, or even a small cut.
Shockingly, this isn’t stopping Olympians who have trained their entire lives to compete in the 2016 Summer Olympics.
Ivan Bulaja, the Croatian-born coach of Austria’s 49er-class sailing team, has seen it firsthand. His sailors have lost valuable training days after falling ill with vomiting and diarrhea.
“This is by far the worst water quality we’ve ever seen in our sailing careers,” said Bulaja.
“I’ve had high temperatures and problems with my stomach,” he said. “It’s always one day completely in bed and then usually not sailing for two or three days.”
That. Is. Nuts. Or it’s something close to nuts, because you couldn’t give me enough medals or put my face on enough boxes of the Croatian equivalent to Wheaties to get me to swim in water that’s riddled with human feces.
You could probably give me enough money to do it, though. Say, $5,000,000? I think that would suffice.