On Monday Brent Musburger introduced the Nation to AJ McCarron’s smokeshow girlfriend Katherine Webb. While Brent and the rest of America were fawning over her like she’s Wendy Peffercorn I couldn’t help but smile knowing that AJ McCarron was living up to his potential. He used his status as the starting quarterback and soon to be two-time National Champion at Alabama to land what was voted on as the hottest girl in his state.
Players like AJ McCarron and Texas A&M’s Johnny Manziel have it about as good as it gets when it comes to choosing who to play "just the tip" with at night. They have had unbelievable success playing the most baller position in football all while being surrounded by chicks in college that are ready to get it on like the only cure is more cowbell and you’re holding the freaking cowbell.
Throughout history quarterbacks have always pulled crazy trim. Look at Johnny Moxon in Varsity Blues. Dude already had a hot girlfriend and without having to even lift a finger his best friends girl tried to get her some by getting naked and rocking a whipped cream bikini. How about Jason Street in Friday Night Lights. Practicing making babies with Minka Kelly surely doesn’t suck, right Jeets? Shane Falco in The Replacements got him some of that cheerleader chick that not only was hot but also owned a bar. Talk about a win-win situation.
Tim Tebow is the college quarterback that by far had the most potential to be the ultimate slaymaster and give Wilt Chamberlain a run for his money. He won two National Titles and a Heisman Trophy all while doing it at a school where clothing is optional. Instead of following in the footsteps of such legends as the lead singer of Three Dog Night who had so much sex that his junk split open like a hot dog he chose to go down the path of AC Green and keep it tucked away.
To steal a scene from Top Gun, “You were number two, Cougar was number one. Cougar lost it – turned in his wings. You guys are number one”. Tim Tebow and all his opportunity was number one but he chose not to accept the challenge, just like Cougar. AJ McCarron and Johnny Football are Maverick and Goose. They have the opportunity to carry the torch and make all of us Regular Joe’s who have to scrape by with 6’s and 7’s that are more like solid 5’s proud by destroying everything in their sight like it’s a sky full of Mig’s.
Like being a selfless teammate, in the end it’s all about just being a dude. At our core we’d all love to have sex with droves of girls that have also spent a night with John Stamos. If you are pulling Uncle Jesse tail then you know you’re really living.
Next year when we tune in to the National Title game between Alabama and
Texas A&M (get real, Texas A&M will not be going to a National Title game. Johnny Manziel is awesome and all but they are Texas A&M. Two years ago they lost to Missouri. National Title caliber schools don’t lose to schools like Missouri) Notre Dame (keep dreaming Domers. You were a missed 33 yard field goal away from losing to Pitt at home this year) LSU I hope that the camera pans through the crowd and we see a different smoking hot dime piece sitting next to AJ McCarron’s Mom. I hope later on that night on Twitter Johnny Manziel posts photos of himself and Matt Leinart hanging out at the Playboy mansion doing things that PacMan Jones would approve of.
“I’m gonna send you up against the best. You two characters are going to Top Gun”. Strive for greatness Maverick and Goose. You have the opportunity to make Iceman YOUR wingman, take down the record that no one in sports thought was breakable (Wilt Chamberlain having sex with 20,000 women), and win one for guys everywhere that still jerk off to scrambled porn.
This was written by Rob Cressy. He runs BaconSports.com, which is a spots blog dedicated to sports nostalgia, humor, and random jerseys. You can also check BaconSports out on Facebook and Twitter.