***All times listed are EST
Friday, July 27th:
- Opening Ceremony (7:30 pm): Play this drinking game, and watch United States athletes dress up like Soviet Russia.
Saturday, July 28th:
- 250 km Cycling Road Race (4:00 am): A premiere cycling event, which concludes outside Buckingham Palace. Britain's Mark Cavendish, a great sprinter, is among the favorites, and looks to secure the host's first Gold
- Men's Swimming: 400M Individual Medley Final (2:30 pm): Phelps vs. Lochte, Part I
Sunday, July 29th:
- Men's Basketball, USA vs. France (9:30 am): The Instagramming Dream Team opens up play against Tony Parker, Nicholas Batum, and Boris Diaw
- Women's Diving, Synchronised 3m Springboard Final (12:00 pm): After qualifying in thrilling fashion, BroBible sweethearts Abby Johnston and Kelci Bryant compete for eternal Olympic glory.
Monday, July 30th:
- Men's Team Gymnastics Final (Artistic) (1:30 pm): Watch gymnasts exhibit their freakish flexibity, and listen to commentators gloat as they throw out gymnasty terms that .3% of the world is familiar with.
Tuesday, July 31st:
- Womens Soccer, USA vs. North Korea (12:15 pm): Watch hottie Alex Morgan and company take on North Korea at Manchester's historic Old Trafford
- Women's Team Gymnastics Final (Aristic) (1:30 pm): Always one of the most coveted events of the entire Olympic games.
- Men's Swimming 4 x 200 Freestyle (3:47): Phelps and sh*t
Wednesday, August 1st:
- Men's Table Tennis Final (11:30 AM): One of those “only in the Olympics” events, watch the world's two best ping-pong players take a Bro hangout sport to disgusting new heights
Thursday, August 2nd:
- Men's Swimming, 200m Individual Medley Final (3:16 pm): If all goes to plan, another Phelps vs. Lochte epic
- Men's Basketball, USA vs. Nigeria (5:15 pm): Should be a game with plenty of ridiculous dunk highlights for Reggie Noble to post about Thursday morning.
Friday, August 3rd:
- Men's Swimming, 100m Butterfly Final (2:38 pm): This will likely be Phelps' last Olympic race in his unfathomably distinguished career. This is a race he's dominated in years past, so there's a decent chance he'll finish strong.