I’ve listed 5 exercises below that should have you hip-thrusting your way to glory in the bedroom in no time. Expect broken bed frames, pissed off roommates/neighbors, and more repeat customers. YEAH BUDDY!
As always, focus on form first and learning the proper technique before you pile on weights (in the gym, not the bedroom). Unfortunately this article doesn’t have enough space to adequately describe perfect form, so please check out some of the links I’ve included and try to learn about the technique before waltzing into a gym and humping the nearest barbell.
1. Glute Bridge (pictured above)
Bedroom Benefit: Hip thrust power
Muscles Trained: Ass (Gluteus Maximus)
This exercise has gained popularity recently amongst strength coaches and athletes alike for its ability to increase glute activation which leads to overall strength increases and injury reduction. That’s great and all, but we are doing it so that when a girl is in Cowgirl position, you can pelvic thrust her with sufficient force to make her hit the roof.
To perform this exercise, lie on your back with your knees bent and feet placed flat on the floor. You are basically going to hump the air, just in a much more controlled manner. Once you are in the ready position, imagine Kate Upton is on top of you, press through your heels, contract your glutes and drive your hips up. Squeeze your ass like you are trying to crack a walnut between your cheeks and then lower yourself back to the ground under control. Check out this video by a wicked smaht coach/trainer named Bret Contreras (skip to 9:18 to hear him talk about this movement specifically).
Aim for 3 sets of 15-20 reps three times/week. Once that’s too easy, add a 5 second hold at the top of each rep. When that’s no longer challenging you can add some weight so you start breaking bed frames.
2. Arnold Press
Bedroom Benefit: Female lifting/holding
Muscles Trained: Pipes & shoulders
Arnold is renowned as one of the greatest diesels of all time due to his ridiculous physique, amazing accent, and overall badassness. He also created a fantastic lift that works well for the purposes of this article. An Arnold Press is basically a dumbbell bicep curl to a shoulder press with rotation. It’ll give you stronger arms and shoulders when executed properly. I recommend 4 sets of 8-10 reps/arm in the gym.
How does this apply to us? Simple: substitute dumbbells with a girl. Now that your biceps are wicked strong, you’ll have no trouble curling the girl to bang her standing up. If that seems too simple and you want to do something worthy of a porn video, curl her to shoulder height and then lift her so that you can perform the oft sought after and rarely achieved standing muff dive. Warning: a lack of strength to execute this move is hazardous to your girl’s safety and your pride. Hit the gym hard before attempting this next level maneuver!
3. Kettlebell Swing
Bedroom Benefit: Hip thrust power, stamina, and masculinity
Muscles Trained: Ass, hips, hamstrings, back, & overall man strength
This is another exercise that is currently loved by strength coaches and athletes because it works a lot of the muscles you need to be a better athlete. Our interest in this exercise is focused primary on its ability to help us hip thrust our way to glory. The movement basically involves using your ass, hips, and hamstrings to swing a heavy ass piece of metal from between your legs up to shoulder height. If done properly it should have your ass more pumped up than Vida Guerra’s and it’ll teach you how to generate serious amounts of force in the bedroom.
A few sentences won’t even come close to teaching you how to truly do this exercise properly so please check out this quick video or Bret Contreras’s compilation of instructional videos if you care about learning how to do the exercise. Start out super light to get the technique then shoot for 4-5 sets of 15-25 reps. I recommend higher reps in the bedroom and lower reps in the gym.
4. Pushup Position Plank
Bedroom Benefit: Hip thrust power & stamina
Muscles Trained: Core
Chicks dig abs and if you are going to bone like a champ you are going to need some core strength. Fortunately this one is pretty simple; get in a pushup position and hold it for a minute (or more if you’re a badass). Repeat 3 times and you’ll acquire some strong and shapely abs (plus tricep and shoulder endurance) that’ll give you some much needed core strength to get the job done in the sack. To get the most out of this plank variation, flex your core, keep your back flat, and whatever you do, don’t let your hips sag. You’ll be able to let your hips drop in the bedroom, but keep ’em up here.
5. Farmer’s Walk
Bedroom Benefit: Fingering endurance + general man strength
Muscles Trained: Forearms & traps
Have you ever faced a paralyzing forearm cramp while fingerbanging a chick? It’s a pretty terrible experience if the girl is really into it and you are unable to continue because your fingers and forearm muscles let you and her down. To avoid this shame, hit up some Farmer’s Walks. Just grab two heavy ass dumbbells and hold them at your side. Then walk as far as you can with proper posture (chest up, shoulder blades retracted) before your grip gives out. It’s one of the best ways to build overall grip/man strength. Hit up 3 sets twice a week and you’ll never be shamed in this department again.
There you have it. Hit up those 5 exercises for a few weeks and your boning prowess will make Ron Jeremy jealous in no time, Just remember that in both the weight room and the bedroom, safety and technique come first. Take it slow and don’t jump into those advanced progressions. There’s nothing worse than a separated shoulder resulting from an improperly executed standing muff dive.
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