Sports
by MattJ on February 4, 2013

Coincidence? Here are three theories that say otherwise.

 

Theory Number 1 – Ocean’s 14

A crew, presumably led by George Clooney, Matt Damon, and Brad Pitt, used the 34 minutes allotted by the power outage to attempt to steal the Vince Lombardi Trophy. 

According to New Orleans Police Sergeant T.J. St. Pierre, the city’s fire department was called to investigate a smell of gas around the Superdome’s elevator No. 8 at the time of the outage. At this time, the elevator was stuck on the 7th floor with people in it.

One can only assume it was now that Clooney and Damon cracked glow sticks and rappelled down elevator shaft No. 8.

The two then walked through the Superdome tunnels like bosses, because they’re George Clooney and Matt Damon, and made their way to where the trophy was being held.

Note: Any less recognizable, copycat robbers would’ve had to dress up like stadium workers or press or something like that. 

The robbers approached the trophy room with grins on their faces.

However, when they opened the door to snatch the Lombardi Trophy, the one man willing to do whatever it took to stop this crime met them.

It’s a little unclear what Ray Lewis did with them before taking the field again.

 

Theory Number 2 – Orchestrated by Jay-Z

It was a performance that made Bros everywhere drool, moms everywhere cry, and girls everywhere reconsider at least a little bit.

Just moments after Beyonce put all other halftime shows and people to shame, the lights went out. Police reports stated that too much energy being pumped into the stadium was the reason for the outage.

That makes sense after watching a bunch of fake dancing Beyonces and all of the other trippy sh*t on that stage.

After the hottest chick in the game literally shut down the Super Bowl, Mr. Carter himself tweeted (for only the 38th time), “Lights out!!! Any questions??”

Yeah Jay, I have a few. Number one being what’s up with your word choice, which I’m sure you’re very careful about.

“Any questions??”
Do you have any answers??

Mrs. Carter also decided to take a second to throw up the Roc-A-Fella (and illuminati?) diamond. Just sayin’.

 

Theory 3 – The Harbaugh/CBS Conspiracy

Jim Harbaugh and CBS planned and organized the power outage for self-gain.

CBS, worried that two defensive powers would produce a boring game lacking appeal to all the non-football-fan viewers of the Super Bowl, drew up a play that everyone in front of the TV gets baffled by.

Nobody was about to change the channel, and hey, they even got an extra few commercial spots out of it.

CBS needed Harbaugh’s help here.

The 21-6 halftime deficit was a perfect reason for him to throw a Jim Harbaugh patented temper tantrum in the locker room, where he then stormed out of and messed with a fuse box or two somewhere under the Superdome.

Being the cocky person he is, Harbaugh was willing to do this for CBS because he believed his team would overcome the deficit with ease, and he would coach them to the greatest comeback in Super Bowl History.

He went to sleep last night thinking he was right the whole time, and that only a no-call cost him everything.

**

Maybe the guy working the lights thought he’d seen it all after Beyonce was done and he decided to head home early. Maybe it was some New Orleans voodoo sh*t. Or maybe it was Clooney, Hova, or Harbaugh. We’ll likely never know what caused one of the strangest mysteries in sports, but we’ll certainly be looking out for what’s next.

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