When I was charged with coming up with the top 20 sexiest extreme athletes of the day, I thought to myself, what could be better than looking up bombshells as part of my work? Needless to say, I hopped in the car and went to Chick-Fil-A, grabbed a #3 Spicy with some fresh squeezed lemonade, and then munched that shit while “researching” said athletic bombshells. Jealous much? While you’ve been writing your research paper on the inside of a ping pong ball (or something equally as boring), I’ve been browsing the web and every single one of these lovely ladies would fit right in with the models for Lulu Lemon’s 2013 yoga pants campaign, which, I've found is a pretty easy way to judge worthy contestants. Here we go, the hottest badass female athletes of 2013.
Just by nature surfing is sexy; we all got our first boner for surfer girls watching Anne-Marie Chadwick rip pipeline in Blue Crush. She’s so hot Hooters got her to be a judge for their annual INTERNATIONAL swimsuit contest last year. She’s also got a spread (literally) in Playboy. Casual.
Chanelle swooped a second place victory in a slopestyle competition just 3 days after she got on snow for the first time in her life, she had broken 7 bones by the time she was 12, and she’s infinitely smarter than Dyrdek’s Chanelle – while equally as hot.
When you turn pro (in anything) at age 13 (you were probably making a model of the solar system out of foam balls at that point) you’re bound to rack up a few trophies, like, say, the ESPY for Best Female Action Sports Athlete or maybe 4 X Games Gold’s.
Bright loves riding pipe. I think half-pipe is probably her favorite, but lemme tell ya, there is nothing half about the pipe in my pants right now. I wonder what she’s doing today, maybe playing with her Olympic and X Games Gold medals or something?
Professional cyclists are usually super OCD about shaving ounces in any place they can. This means that not only do they pay extra for shit like having a label printed on the bike as opposed to getting weighed down by the monolithic sticker, but she also can't stand for unnecessary hair. Ergo, she’s probably clean shaven…everywhere. The only other place she could cut weight (theoretically) would be in those yams, but she’s respectful and doesn’t want to slap god in the face for giving her a beautiful gift, so they’re stayin’. Phew.
Sierra Blair Coyle
At just 19 years old, Sierra is the baby of the list. I don’t know how she maintains such a petite frame while being able to do one handed pull-ups, but, honestly, im not too worried about it. If the opportunity ever presents itself, Id certainly have no problem letting her touch my boulders.
Hailey and Sierra Partridge
Wow. look at the tits on the girl on the left…. Twins? Could there be anything better? No, it’s a miracle of science. If nothing else, your chances of getting with a total fox surfer girl just doubled…from like 1% to a generous 2%…unless of course you’re like a combo of Brad Pitt from fight club and Ron Jeremy in Big Butt Cowgirl Pinups. Then you might just get the whole package.
Apparently she’s won every big-mountain competition she has ever entered. Since 2005. She may look like she just came out of the woods, but I hear she likes twin tips on the slopes, and in the bedroom.
Lena Alyin Erdil
Wind is generally regarded as the red-headed step child of weather. Rain makes shit grow, the sun brings out scantily clad honeys, everybody likes cutting lines of pow, but wind just sucks. The only good thing that comes from this phenomenon is that it lets Lena rip through the ocean at like 30 mph while in a teeny bikini, because, realistically, that’s pretty tight.
She’s the only active skier with over 50 world cup victories. She’s also been featured in SI Swimsuit, (which, when delivered, is almost as good as nudie magazine day) and her new boyfriend is a total legend. Maybe if he keeps winning, Tiger will put a ring on it…(not that that really matters, but…)
Sometimes its hard to spot ski (ride) bunnies on the slope under all their gear, but Mega Mo at X Games lets us get a real good peek the few ladies who can send it 80 feet and don’t look like they got kicked in the face by a mule. Point and case? Jamie. She’s also been voted athlete of the year by ESPN, and has countless wins under her belt. She may have a boyfriend, but just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score, right?
I assume everybody knows what BASE jumping is, but in case you need a little refresher, its basically an adrenaline-fueled stunt where total nutjobs launch themselves off towers, buildings, bridges and basically anything that is just barely high enough to be able to pull a parachute in time before plummeting to their death like Wile E. Coyote. Also, if you weren’t aware, its generally accepted as a sport for those with huge balls. Thankfully, however, as Maxim can attest, Lottie’s balls are purely metaphorical.
[photo via Maxim]
She is a mother. What?! Like Stiflers mom?! Yes. Just like that. Except she rips waves that could easily capsize a boat.
Yes, she’s a triathlete. I know what you're thinking: “All these other girls send it off enormous cliffs and rip pipe and this girl is just trying to be the best at exercise?” Well, yes. But she was the youngest woman ever to complete the Ironman (no small feat), and her real name is Lokelanikuu'leimakamae. I wonder what her safe words sound like.
“Follow you? Sure, yeah, where are we going? Off that cliff? Really? No, you're not serious…? Oh..ok..you just did it. Well…shit.” If you end up meeting back up with her in town you better hope you Cliff Notes works on your phone. She graduated Magna Cum Loudly from college and you don’t want to blow it by admitting to not having read a single book in high school. Sorry, Cum *Laude.
Although this list is in no particular order, I feel inclined to hand out the gold to this #surfergirl, Ms. Blanchard. She’s got her own of the same name (watch it, thank me later), her own line of bikinis, and she’s actually a pretty decent surfer. Oh and she’s won Pipe. You ever seen those waves?
Niki could ride you into the ground in more ways than one. She’s also got a sexy Australian accent, which is kind of like wearing +1’s and it makes any jokes she may have that much funnier just by default.
Possum? Like the animal? O.K., I can dig it. Maybe one of the lesser known athletes on the list, she calls both Breckenridge (Colorado) and New Zealand home. Although she loves our mountains over here, I guess she prefers to go down unda, which, for the record, I have no problem with. I’d go down unda with her any day of the week.
She’s got the eyes of an Ice Princess and blonde hair of a true bread Norwegian. Silje also went to school specifically for snowboarding, and apparently loves riding pillows. I’ve got a ton of pillows in my room. So I guess I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.
Linn Haug is amongst the new generation who are taking over not only the podiums on the slope but also the podiums in these sexy lady lists. Anyone who looks just as comfortable in a Maxim spread as the Burton catalogue is doin’ something right.
Allison is getting an honorable mention for obvious reasons. Pole-vaulting isn’t inherently an extreme sport but are you really going to argue against my game time decision to let her swing up to the big leagues?